Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Step away from the crafting... (making things for my baby girl)

Just back away slowly and no one will get hurt!

In just 9 (short!!) weeks, my baby girl will turn one year old. (How did that happen!!!) I'm bubbling with things to make for her and projects for her first birthday. I'm hoping the following will happen. Some are a must!

1. A birthday crown (from The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule - blogged about here)
2. Fun wood toys from here. I'm thinking a lovely bead necklace (great for chewing on!), some blocks and perhaps some fruit. All of which (except for the beads) I intend to paint myself! Is this insane?
3. A birthday sweater. Which may come from here. (If the library has a copy!)

Cora needs just a few things to make it through the winter months, thanks the the very generous hand-me-downs of friends with sweet little girls who are not so little any more. So a nice sweater, a coat/snowsuit (mama intends to walk with this little girl in her stroller and I don't want her to freeze!), and soft sole leather shoes like these, or these, (too bad these and these are out of stock now, because you know I want her to be a little songbird too!!) because I imagine she will soon be quite mobile. Yesterday, she pulled up all by herself for the first time!


{Update! I found the taupe and red songbird shoes here, (aren't they sweet?) but seriously? $30 for baby shoes? I'm just too cheap for that. Sorry sweetie!}

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Vistin'

Cora and I have been gallivanting across the country again, and now are home with hearts full of family and a suitcase full of dirty clothes, useful hand-me-downs including a baby potty (which I took through as a carry on. Oh yes.), hand made puzzles, and pictures drawn by my sweet nieces and nephews.

We went south to Houston (area) and braved the wrath of the southern summer sun (yes, again) for a week! My sister asked me if we wanted to 'do' anything. Nope. Just hang around with you guys! So we did. We swam (a lot! You have to to survive, I'm tellin' ya),

ate lot of mangos (to which I must continually prove to myself I am allergic...sigh), visited friends, had sweet sister conversations till the wee hours of the night (ok, not wee, it was midnight, but when Cora woke up at 6am every day, it felt wee), played,

went to church, went to groovy 70's night at their church, (and we thrifted for the costumes!)

played Bunko with the ladies, and generally had a fabulous time!

While there, I altered a dress for my niece that I made when she was 4 (and mailed with no chance to try it on her before I finished) and is just now almost fitting at 6 (simplicity pattern! I didn't know they ran so big!).

She's a slim little girl, so I added some shirring in the back and she wore it to her first day of school! So sweet. I only got these kinda dark photos (it was early! I didn't think to go outside.) to show it off, but it is tiny pink and red flowers on a brown background. I don't know the name of it or the designer, but it's so sweet and reminds me of Laura Ingalls!

So we went a-vis-tin' and came home to 75 degree weather (yay!), a (mostly) clean house, and a sweet Papa/Geek, who missed us lots and lots. (he said so!) It's good to be home. Cora thinks so too! She slept for 2 hours in her bed as soon as we hit the door.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Ambitious...

Image from here

I love quilts. I've never made one, well...not a real one. I've done the whole 'sew squares together' thing (on my machine!), and backed it with corduroy fabric, and sandwiched some flannel in between. It was HEAVY, and very nice, but there was no actual 'quilting' involved. I'd like to make one. Really, really. But I peruse photos of quilts and I find them a little old fashioned. I'm not a fan of maroon and hunter green. Not at all. But then I find amazing patterns like this: Climbing Lanterns. I love it. Plus, how wonderful would it be to have a quilted tree in Cora's room! (since we never got around to painting the tree on her wall. Hmm.)

However, I'm learning that fabric is amazingly seasonal. The fabulous fabrics that are in this quilt (that only came out in May of this year) are now like an in-depth treasure hunt and I'm not brave enough to make substitutions! I would love it if someone had a pre-cut set of fabric for this quilt, but alas. No luck there either! I think I'll just have to get brave and make my own.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Goodbye to the family bed


The baby has been in our bed almost since the day she was born. Aside from the nurses in the hospital telling me it wasn't allowed (but we sneaked a midnight snuggle or two in anyway). She was so small that I was terrified of her sleeping with us for a short while, and then it was the only way any of us got any sleep at all. She was not about to sleep in her little bassinet all alone, thank you very much!!

Then she got very, very wiggly and being in bed with us kept us all up, so she transitioned to the pack and play bassinet feature right next to the bed, but frequently ended up with us anyway. Now, she has decided that her greatest joy in life is to attempt multiple nose dives off of the bed while mama grabs at little feet. She thinks it's the BEST GAME EVAAAAR! Mama disagrees. She has long been ready to do her own thing (she's very independent with her 'me time'), but I wasn't ready. But when the gal who loaned us the pack and play needed it back, it seemed the right time for transition.

Cora did great! She loves her bed and spends a lot of time talking to the little bright lady bugs that decorate her bumper, as well as fiddling with the bumper ties. It's me who misses my sweet little doot in the bed with us. I love how she'd fall asleep holding my nose, or whispering sweet 'thuh, thuh, thuhs' to me, before she'd burrow her face against me and close her eyes. As much as Matt was worried about rolling on her or something like that, he never did. We were very aware of her at all times. So it is with a little sorrow that we see her move to her own bed and her own room. I miss my little snuggle baby! Is there room for me in there?

Friday, August 14, 2009

On the needles

Fall is coming! I can smell it. On my walk this morning with the little girl and the dog, I noticed how the leaves were just starting to drift down. (Just a smidge? Maybe? Huh, huh, please?!) It was the first day back to school around here and the neighborhood was practically abuzz with kids waiting for the bus. (usually it's very quiet at that time of morning!) I wish I had had my camera with me since the leash was tied to the stroller and Cora was holding onto the leash. It was almost as if she was walking the dog. So cute!


So knitting. Yeah. I've begun again. It's very seasonal for me and I don't know why. I have no idea where this yarn came from. A friend gave it to me when I first began to knit and I think it is recycled from a sweater. I'm pretty sure it's wool (but don't quote me on that!), but I've been saving it for the perfect project for a long time now. It's time for it to become more than a ball of yarn. Aren't the colors delicious? The pattern is a top down beret found here. The tomato stitch markers are made by me from a Tomato Art Fest of yesteryear. I had some sculpted tiny tomatoes left and they became knitting accessories!

A closeup for ya! (Is this yarn porn?) Tee hee!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Yarn Hoarder

It's only August, but the recent rains cooled everything off (however briefly) and my brain has been whispering little projects to me. (and now that my house is clean, I can do it guilt free!) Sweet! Let me tell you a little something. I am not a great knitter. I get bored really fast. I've never done a sweater, because, let's be honest here, I live in Tennessee and a lovely wool sweater would be a complete waste here. Seriously. Even in the winter, people keep the heat at ungodly hot temperatures so it would have to be something that got pulled off and put back on several times per day. That rules out any lovely delicate (yet warm) sweaters and I'm not in the mood to knit something bulky or (God forbid!) a cardigan. So I settle for the instant gratification projects. A hat, a scarf, a groovy something or other. It works for me! So I have this tremendous stash of yarn that rarely sees the light of day.


This, however, is my favorite. It's made of nylon so it's a yarn snob's nightmare, but it's so soft! (And fuzzy. I know, I know. More yarn snob nightmares) The line has been discontinued and I bought up all I could. (It's Aerie by Moda Dea in 'coral' colorway, btw, in case you have some in your stash that you don't want. I'm just sayin!) This, however is the last of it, so if you get something made from this from me, you better know how awesome I think you are.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My. House. Is. CLEAN!

Nothing like a baby sitter coming over (for a date night!) to make one realize how much grub has settled on one's house. And by one, I mean me. Ahem. I don't think our upstairs bathroom had been properly scrubbed since...oh...I don't know...pre-pregnancy? It was not necessarily 'dirty' (ie, mold, poo, dirt etc) but covered in dust, mixed with old house funk, mixed with my post-baby hair loss giant hair-balls of doom. Not pretty.

The house (all except for my desk...sigh) has been scrubbed within an inch of it's life. It's lucky to have paint left! If you are wondering how I accomplished this with a baby in my care, I'm just gonna be honest, she rolled around on the floor of whatever room I was working on, saying 'la la la la' and chomping on her jingly chicken. Yeah. Not much Mama interaction with her today. Bad mama. Bad. She and I had to keep negotiating my need to vacuum. It's not her favorite thing! But now that that's out of the way for the next long stretch (another year and a half? hee hee!), I'm all hers! It's so relaxing to have it all done. Now if only the dog and I wouldn't shed!

Our original date plans (see right sidebar) got thwarted due to weather, so we had a little Greek food, wandered around a book store, and flirted over a cup of coffee. It was very fun! I love this guy. Smooch!

Here's how I kept the baby occupied some of the time today. She loves this!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

A little mischief

I love this little fish! She loves bathtime, but just can't leave the plug alone.

See Mama's hand holding it down? Um...Yeah.

No amount of foam alphabet is going to distract this baby!

This is how she feels about bathtime being over. So sad!

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Blog stalking...and other strange modern ideas

Blogging is so weird. Really. Really. Weird. I mean, this is sort of a journal. A collection of thoughts, ideas, opinions, sweet baby pictures. If I caught you leafing through my little moleskin, I'd give you a shiner! But here, I like it. I have two groups of blogs that I read. I call them 'I know you' (Like Will Ferrell, in Elf, "knows Santa") and 'Kindred spirits' (from Anne of Green Gables. I was a nut for those books!)

The 'I know you' group is a no-brainer. Folks I know IRL (in real life). But the Kindred spirits group is all strangers. Some live in town. Some live far, far away. But I like what they have to say. I love stories and these people's words tell great stories. There are so many people out there with something to say. It's like how I hoard old photos. They tell a story that might be otherwise lost in history. So I find myself daily reading (and writing my own) the public journals of folks who's stories seem worth telling. I jokingly call it blog stalking, but sometimes I really do feel a connection with another human. I cry over posts! The Geek thinks I've lost my mind sometimes. (actually he says I just have a big heart) It's not them personally I connect with, it's the universal story. Triumph, hardship, love, faithfulness, a peaceful home, glorying in the moment and so many other ideas. I see them as books I love that get updated every day, so, unlike a good novel which eventually comes to the last chapter, this one goes on and on! But still, it IS strange, no?

PS. The Squiddly-doot and I braved our sickies and headed to the Tomato Art Fest today! (I might have been delirious to attempt it and 3 am may prove rough, again, but sometimes a girl just has to get out!) We left Papa Bear to convalesce at home. This is round 2 for him. What is this yuck! But wouldn't you know it, in spite of all the fun and friends we met there, I only got one picture, and it's of a hot, sweaty, and flapping baby. Here she is.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Busy, busy summer

We just can't sit still! (and by we, I mean me, since I'm the one who keeps planning trips) The baby bear is very mobile right now and I am reveling in it! The Papa Bear is a bit grumpy that he keeps getting left behind on all of these summer adventures, but our family vacation time will come. Don't you worry, love!

The Doot and I just got back from a jaunt to Gramma's house, (Over several rivers and through the woods) and I discovered that a 3 and half hour drive to Atlanta is very doable by myself, if properly planned for. But, wouldn't you know it, I did not charge my camera and so have just one or two photos to show for the visit. Now that I know we can do it, we'll go more often. (With a book on CD this time, for the doldrums of the drive.)

The Geek's mom and I spent hours, while the baby slept and played, digging through history. The Geek's grandfather was a professional photographer for a paper in NYC beginning in the 30s, so there is a whole lot of photographic evidence! I had a blast and I'm sure I exhausted my MIL's patience with, 'OK, now who is this in THIS photo?' Which I must have said at least 100 times. Really. And we didn't even get through one box. I also came home with a little hoard of photos of the Geek and his family, which I will be scanning soon, so I get to show off what a cutie he was!! (and still is!)

One more trip left. And this time, I refuse to leave my favorite pair of pants behind!

Monday, August 03, 2009

Packin' up for Grammas!

Tuesday morning, at the crack of dawn (or 8am, lets face it, I procrastinate) the babe and I will head south (south-east-ish) to the land of Lanta. Hot-Lanta. (also known as Atlanta) The Geek's mom lives in a northern suburb of that city and we are way overdue for a Gramma visit. The Geek will stay here and support my stay-at-home-mom habit ;) while me and the bitty bird go flitting across country.

Since it's only an overnight trip, we will be packing cloth diapers. I hate to buy paper ones and then give the unused ones away, since I don't want to use them. I hate to waste money! Anyhoo, there are cousins to visit, sisters-in-law to gab with, swimming to be done, and not a moment to lose! We'll be back with lots of photos. (I'd better charge my camera batteries!)

Knots and Notes

When I was little, my mama would include tiny notes in things. They usually had a scripture and a little encouragement on them. Silly me, I didn't keep them. I read them and then threw them out. She stopped doing it after I left college because by then emails had taken the place of a letter from home, and now I only have two of them left. I wish I had saved my mother's letters to me in college and camp, but I was a child and what did I know about the things I would wish I had saved. There is something powerful about the written word. The hand-written word. It takes no time at all to dash off an email, but it takes a little time, effort, paper, pen, and stamp to send a note.

I've also been thinking about friendships. How they grow more important to me as the days slip by, never to come again. As a little girl, I made bracelets for friends and this week I dusted off my friendship bracelet skills. Here is the result of all of my knotting and making. A little bundle of notes and knots for friends.


Saturday, August 01, 2009

Modern Day Dilemma

The Geek, being the Fabulous Geek that he is, recently saved me from computerless horror by giving me one of his old desktop computers. My laptop is hardly a year old and it keeps overheating and shutting down. Without warning. It's pretty annoying. And wouldn't you know it, it starts all of this crap just after the year long warranty expires. Classic. It was a replacement for my old laptop which got declared a 'lemon' and replaced for free by a big box store around here that I prefer not to promote. However, we didn't have the ready cash for the service plan that would have fixed my ailing laptop, so it basically becomes junk. Really expensive junk.

It's hard to transition to one place after the carefree roaming of my laptop, but I will manage. Already there is a collection of random things that crinkle, rattle, and are shiny under my chair as the wee squirt entertains herself while I check email. Not to mention teeth marks on the legs of the chair. (I think she's getting another coupla teeth!)

So, like the lower-(techie) class, non-snobbish, she-geeklet that I am, I like Vista. Wail and moan, I know. I still like how it lets me deal with photos, which, lets face it, is my main job around here as I chronicle the raising of THE cutest girl in the universe. So I wrangle around for an install disk since my laptop only came with the 'repair' disk, (cheapskates!) and do the install. The Geek supervises, although I am pretty savvy and can run circles around my parents (and other folks only slightly older than me) in the tech department.

The Geek steps in for the final wrangling of some elusive drivers for my monitor with speakers attached, and he solemnly turns to me and says, "Your computer wasn't meant to run Vista. It's gonna be really slow."
"Crap!", I think, "Cause I need my computer to be fast when dealing with large picture files!" I hop on and give it a whirl and, oddly enough, it doesn't seem that slow. Now granted I haven't tried editing a huge file in photoshop yet, but honestly! How bad can it be? Then I get to thinking.

Slow is relative, really. Isn't it? I mean, when I remember back in '96 when my professors at Uni said they wanted us to look stuff up on the internet, we GROANED! Out loud! It took more than a minute to load each page! It was tedious stuff. And the pages were lovely, no picture, no flash, no ads, plain old boring text for the most part. So the Geek's computer may process stuff at the speed of sound, or light (as it were) but I don't really notice a difference if my computer takes a little bit longer. I usually take that moment to make sure Someone isn't going for the computer chords or trying to eat the cat's tail. I've been known to start a program and then walk away from it for several hours...

Ok... that was weird. Mid sentence, my computer just...

Wait. Don't crash. Please!

Reset screen resolution to huge??? What the...

Reset it to normal... ok. Computer? Are you ok?

Crazy black screen with vertical lines of code from the matrix, but not as cool???!!??

Crap.

The Geek spoke the truth. My hardware can't keep up with my software. (Ain't that always the way?)

Friday, July 31, 2009

Wave a white flag

I don't know about you, but the Geek and I were fast on the heels of 30 when we finally got hitched. That means we spent a lot of years doing it our own way without the input of the other. It makes for rough times among opinionated pairs, let me tell ya. Our arguments were ones to wake the neighbors for a long time, but one, I remember from a few years ago, was particularly loud and long. By midway, I didn't want to even be arguing any more, but momentum can take me a long way. (So can the need to be right)

In the other room, I still was angry, but tired. I'm not one of those folks whose temper stays up for long. I flare, then it's over. Sometimes were multiple flares, since I didn't used to deal with what is at the heart of it too often (I'm getting better at getting to the root of things now). The Geek is different and in our early marriage was known to stay mad at me for days, sometimes weeks! (He is much improved too, now it's less than an hour, unless I've been really, really rotten, then it's a couple of hours before we can come back together and talk)

So the flare was over, but the hurt still there. Yet my heart longed to be reconciled with my husband. It always does. I didn't want to fight any more. I took a white dust rag, tied it to a stick, and poked that stick around the corner into his office, waving it around. I heard him laugh and knew it was safe to come in and talk things through, or at least say we could talk then through in a bit, without the angry words still hanging in the air.

I've thought about getting rid of that truce flag, since we have enough clutter in our house without one more thing, but I keep it. It reminds me to give up. To give up my right to be right, to give up my right to punish my husband for wrongs I think he may have committed against me, to give up my right to hurt him with my words and MAKE him see my point of view. It also reminds me to surrender. To surrender my marriage, my temper, my opinions, my fears, my hurt, and my neurosis over to the only One who can do anything about them.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's all a ploy.

Cuteness photos here!
OK. Not really. I just notice how my readership goes up when I post photos of my cute baby girl! How can you help it, really? She draws you all, like bugs to light. ;) My title should have warned you!

I'm pondering getting a baby sitter, taking a dose of my Adderall, and get cleaning! Just to get out from behind all of this mess in my house. Cause nothing says 'good housewife' like a little speed, right? But seriously. It's a losing battle over here! I still haven't truly unpacked from our trip to Texas, the dishes are secretly copulating and multiplying while I sleep, my desk is an unspeakable horror of mounds of paper and junk, and my day is filled up before I even get started!

How do you Mama's keep your house from being consumed by the filth monster?! Really! I need to know. I can't keep up with the baby clutter, poop, pee, puke, and flung food, much less my own messes, much, much less deep cleaning. Who knows what germs lurk under my toilet? I tried doing the whole 'one room per day' thing, but I could spend a week on my desk alone and not reach bottom.

Then a friend calls and I weigh the importance of sanity against the importance of cleanliness, toss the sponge in the sink, pack up the babe, and go whistling out of the door! (Only to be greeted by my piles when I come home, refreshed from having had conversation with someone who actually speaks a language, but horrified at my cluttered house.)

I've tried to let it go and just enjoy my baby, but when my baby is rolling around on the floor and coated in pet hair from my lack of vacuuming, something has got to give! Mama guilt. She is sleeping and while I could be cleaning now, I am blogging. You can tell I'm not truly committed to cleaning or else this post would not exist.

I think I'll go read some favorite mama blogs...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Nine Months!

Heck! I wasn't even pregnant for that long! And here she is. It has been nine months of craziness, but mostly of her favorite emotion. Joy. I can sing all the cheesy songs in the world about how much I love her, how she lights up my life, etc, etc, and they'd all be true. Just look at this little bitty girl!



These two were taken last week. All she wants to do is pull up on Mama. And then let go! We are SO in for it.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Rhythm of the day

With few exceptions, like earaches and the occasional sprouting of a tooth, our days have a rhythm. When we wake, when we sleep, chores, diapers, playing, time outside. Not a set schedule, but a rhythm. The cadence varies here and there, the melody splits in to theme and variation (for weekends and new things), but always comes back to the song that our family sings together.

The giggles and the smiles, the tears and the blessed naps, the exploring, the wonder, the dishes, the laundry, the wooden spoon for her to wack at everything in reach, bowls to clang, paper to crumple and when Mama's not watching, to eat. (sneaky girl!) Crawling to learn, bumps from tumbling over, the perpetual jabber of a little language learner.

Lunch with mama friends while the baby rabble plays on the floor and squeals after the dog (who is so very over it all). The zoo, the park, the swings, swimming, playgroups, a walk (sometimes - this is a new beat to incorporate). Cooking dinner with a little one trying to climb the legs of my pants. Papa coming home, the shy little smile she gives him before burying her face in my shoulder, then reaching for more Papa snuggles.

Mealtime together, always and adventure. Bath-time, eating foam letters while Mama tries to soap a slippery babe. A fresh clean cloth diaper, soft clean jammies, a story from Papa bear, a snuggle, a song, a bottle, then sleep. Sweet blessed sleep. When the house is still and the sun has newly set and the tree frogs and crickets join in the lullaby of night. Then books to read, emails to send, diapers to wash, Husband and Wife again, not just Mama and Papa. The day's end sings like a song I know...Day is done, gone the sun, from the lake, from the hills, from the sky. All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Thoughts like a stash of treasure

My book club is reading East of Eden by John Steinbeck and I could think for hours about each and every chapter! The stories that he weaves are rich and not at all full of faerie tales with happy endings, yet they draw me on and on, with no chance for a breath or to sit and ponder wisdom that passes with every page.

There are books that I have read and am content to turn back in to the library. Then there are books that fill up my mind like they do Tom's mind in this particular book.
"Samuel rode lightly on top of a book and he balanced happily among the ideas the way a man rides white rapids in a canoe. But Tom got into a book, crawled and groveled between the covers, and came up with the book all over his face and hands."
That is me and I have this book all over my face and hands. The ideas are still sifting around in my head and this kind of book, get bought, read, and re-read. To take the ideas that lie thick on each page and store them up like a treasure to run through my hands when I am alone with my thoughts, this is the joy of reading.

Excuse me, I've got some pages to munch.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Body frustrations... Warning, Rant!


Warning! Not a 'for boys' post. Just skip this one, fellas...

OK. So there are all these 'helpful' people out there on the web who have these names for body shapes and once you determine what your shape is, you can do some 'helpful' exercises that are more tailored for your body. Right? Riiiiiight.

Here's the list: which I borrowed from other sites. (I made bold the things that describe me.)

Ruler (or Banana):
Tend to be waif-like and slim.
Shoulders, hips, waist almost same size.
Very little indentation at waist.
Tend to put on weight in stomach and bottom, while maintaining slender arms and legs.

Hourglass:
Well-proportioned upper and lower body.
Shoulders and hips (almost) same size
Dramatic indentation (> 6") at waistline
Tend to gain weight all over your body, especially hip and chest area.
Strictly female shape.

Spoon (or Pear):
Larger lower bodies and smaller upper bodies.
Shoulders narrower than hips (commonly found in women).
Tend to gain weight below your waist.
Small chests and flat stomachs.

Apple:
Inverted triangular shaped body
The bust measurement is larger than the hip measurement.
Large chest and bust for your frame.
You carry most(or a lot, more now than ever post baby) of your weight around your midsection.
Usually have slim legs, hips, and bottom. (this doesn't fit me at all though!)

Cone:
Wider shoulders than hips (usually found in men) (awesome :( ).
Bigger on the top half of their bodies than on the bottom half.
Slim hips and a large chest and stomach.
Tend to gain weight above the waist or bottom.


I am NONE of these! And it's not just that I'm a big girl (and I know I am). My little sister (who is a size 2) has the same body type as me and fits in none of these categories either.

Our shape? Same all over. We put on weight all over our body equally (well, I do. She looks fabulous and is a personal trainer!) Arms, legs, butt, stomach, but oddly enough, never boobs. (Go figure.) We are muscular all over with shoulders like football players and not terribly wide hips (unless we gain weight then we get wide in the front and back first) and big legs. Very strange. In the past when I have been in shape (lets face it, that was high school), I still had large muscular arms and legs, and no waist or breasts to speak of.

Why is this body type not mentioned? I know other girls like this! It makes shopping horrible because anything that is made in 'women's' size (what is that about anyway? I'm only a 'woman' if I'm fat?! What are the size 0-12 people? Girls? I mean really...I digress) are made for big women with curves and by curves I mean boobs and butt. So I am left with these fabulous dresses for girls my size with saggy little pockets of fabric where alleged breasts should be, but never are. It always looks weird! I've almost decided to just make my own clothes. Mostly it's dresses that frustrate me, so when I want to look nice, it's harder.

As I struggle with all of this, I am reminded of what the pastor said recently...
"I look at myself and all of my flaws and say 'I will work harder to fix them'. This is tremendous pride."
My weight issues are not just 'over-eating' or not working out. They are deeper and I know it, a symptom rather than the problem. I need healing in this area first and to think I can heal myself is laughable. So one day at a time, one prayer, one better choice, on a journey, but still...can I just look cute in a dress while I journey?

OK. End Rant.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Undertaking

'Cause I might die in the process. No, seriously.

My friend Melanie and I are taking up the daunting (for me - you may be in perfect shape to do this) task of walking a half marathon. Here is our training schedule. I figure if I talk about it, I won't chicken out. We are gonna be walking the St Jude half marathon in Memphis, December 5th and I'm very intimidated by this.

I'm not one of those type A folks who sets a plan and gets it done. I'm more type B, or Type C (if there was a more slacker version of type B, it would be type C). So this is a pretty big undertaking for me. I'll be posting my progress as I go. And let me just say, in closing, HOLY CRAP, I must be out of my mind!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

There and back again...a Texan's tale

It's hard being away from Texas. I think my natural state is to sit around baking. Tennessee is not that cold, but I sure do miss the sun when it gets winter around here. We flew into Greg County Airport, the dark green of the pines thick below us, and the red earth, where it has been newly dug for crops or a road, bright like a wound in the land. The older the cut, the more goldish pink it turns and I know the earth there has grown sandy, with the hard packed, iron ore tinged clay settling down low or being washed away in rainstorms that Texas is famous for, the gully-washer.

The bitter-sweet twang of East Texas creeps back into my speech without any effort. The way they talk is not the soft genteel southern twang of Alabama. It's not spicy like the Cajun flavored accent of Shreveport that is an hour from my home town, and it's not the hard edge of the southwest, or even Dallas. It's its own thing. Flavored like a dish with too many cooks and it's nice.

Evenings, the week after camp, I go walking with my nephew Jacob, down the hill or down the road to pet the horses, with Cora in the front pouch. The air is hot and still, and it feels like hitting a wall when I walked out the door and for a moment, by brain sends the panicked message, 'I can't breathe!' Then my brain remembers this is Texas and gives in to breathing 100 degree air. Even at 8pm, the sweat pours down my back in a rivulet.

The sky is tinged pink, and the road lined with bright Black-Eyed Susans, growing up near the fence line. The rusty, dusty ground is littered with iron ore stones and the smell of the tar-top road still lingering from a day of baking under the hot sun, an earthy, oily smell, as our feet walk in time to the rhythm of the Pump-Jacks (the things that pump the oil out of the ground after the drilling rig is gone). The cultivated lands and pretty yards are a miracle in themselves, because you know that land was hard won. Without constant effort, it returns to its natural scrubby state of dirt, sticker bushes (thorns. We called them sticker bushes when we were kids) and weeds.

The chorus of tree frogs is so loud we have to nearly shout to make ourselves heard. Cora gets her first look at a horse up close and I'm not sure she knows what to make of it. I keep her pink chubby hands clear of those teeth while Jacob and I feed the horses some grass, our hands flat so just their thick fuzzy lips touch our palms. We walk back home in the dusky blue heat of twilight, hoping for that breath of cool evening air that never comes.

When parking in a lot to join my family for Sunday lunch I thought to myself 'it's nearly indecent not to put trees in parking lots here', but they don't ever do it. I don't think they'd live. A car in the sun must be thoroughly aired out before children are allowed in it and I remembered the old ways of making the hot air get out before putting the baby in there. A friend told me that she had accidentally locked her kids in the car while loading them up and by the time the locksmith got her in, only 15 minutes had passed but the children were red-faced and sweaty. That's how hot it got in there, that fast.

There was a lovely dinner with friends, while the children did the only respectable past-time allowed in the summer; they played in the water. Now, I grew up in, around, and on the water. There is really no other way to make it through the summer. I noticed as we flew over Dallas that in all those sprawling housing developments, it was the minority of homes that did not have a pool. Not to mention the giant Olympic sized pool that was in each neighborhood. Perhaps one per every 200 houses or so. So let me tell ya, Cora and I logged a lot of hours at the pool. So much so that with all that swimming, plus 100+ degree weather, we had to add juice, water, and pedia-lite to her diet.

Our family had a reunion with just my Papa's side of the family. His dad, brothers and their children. Not everyone could attend and still there were 27 people. I have a big family. We ate, sat around and talked, and swam, of course. Cora discovered watermelon, nursing the juice out of it until there was just a wet, red pulp left.

One short flight and one hellacious, delayed, packed in like sardines, screaming baby one later, we are home. Tired, loving the 'cool' weather (relatively speaking), and happy to be home with the Papa Bear.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Soooooo big

Look what I can do!!!
Taken yesterday at the park by my neighbor Kendra, while our babies lounged under a tree in the park and a Michael Jackson musical medley filled the air. Who's bad?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Dancing with the Devil and other amusing past-times, plus baby bear...now with more 'toof'

Where to even begin!! It's been three weeks in TEXAS and we are home again, me with a full brain and lots to say, the baby with new skills.

First of all, I have danced with the Devil and his name is Pampers. I put aside my self-righteous (and yet, helpful to the environment) ideals about planet saving for three whole weeks and used paper diapers while staying with friends and family in the Lone Star State. I balked, I grumbled at the price, I gagged at the gel filled wad that grew with every tinkle, but now back to cloth at home, I kinda miss the ease. Plus, the baby Bear's morning diaper smelled so strongly of ammonia it literally burned my lungs! It's a vinegar wash for her diapers tonight! She has outgrown the smaller cloth diapers and these new ones that will fit her all the way through toddlerhood are, shall we say...bulky? She was so active in TX that I'm wondering if they inhibit her ability to roll around as much.

I'm happy to be home, and yet sad that my family lives so very far away and that visiting them is such an unholy ordeal, especially in the summer! Cora found a new love for all things liquid and squishy, including watermelon, just to keep hydrated! The upside to three weeks of sweating in 100+ heat? The current high of 92 in Nashvegas feels like cool breezy weather to me right now. Whoo hooo!!!!! The Geek, seeing how sad I was to leave my family behind again, suggested we start looking for a way to move to TX. I told him about the heat and he said...maybe not. He's never been there in the summer!!

One last thing...baby news. After a week and half of runny nose, fevers at 1 am, grumpiness, and gnawing on everything in sight, Cora has finally cut a tooth!! One little tooth on the bottom. Also, while we were away, we discovered that she can now sit unsupported for several seconds before she gets excited and forgets to prop herself up with her hands, and then there is the army crawl. A crazy combo of sidewinding wiggling, rolling and bunching up that does, indeed, after awhile, propell her forward. It's all very exciting. :)

And now, if I could just muster the effort to get out of my jammies and begin my day... It is, after all, pushing noon.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Papa Bear's day

Today we celebrate the Papa Bear. No words can tell you how grateful I am for this man and how he loves his baby girl, so I'll just say it in photos.
Honey, you are the best Papa Bear ever. Happy Father's Day!

And now for your secret present. Go and look in the Baby Bear's room, where all of her blankets live. Love you!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

We love to fly and it..zzzzzzzzz


So the baby bear and I are on a whirl wind adventure to visit family in TX and for me to be the music director at a camp. The squidoot has yet to meet all of her cousins, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles, grampa, great-grampa etc, etc on my side. The only one she met was my mama (her gramma) when she came to help me right after the baby was born. Brace yourself baby! It's a hoard!

I spent weeks thinking about what to pack, wrote a list, packed and re-packed several times, trying to cut things out, and add in what I'd forgotten. It had to all fit in my rolling suitcase 'cause there was NO WAY I was going to drag a duffel back behind me and the stroller. I planned it all so perfectly...And still I had too much stuff! Now I know. A small bag for her with diaper accouterments, a blankie, baby food and milk, and my phone and ID are perfect. What I had was a big honkin' monster bag to hold all of the stuff that wouldn't fit in my rolling suitcase. While that was fine for foot loose and fancy free, no kid me, it did not work for me and the baby bear. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers who understand a mama traveling with a baby alone! They helped us put the bag in the overhead storage bin, folded up my stroller when I had my hands full and were very kind. The airport even has a new policy where a 'helper' can help a mama traveling with children all the way to the gate! That was a very nice treat. It has been years since the Geek has been able to walk me to my gate. I like it!

Apart from the over-packing we only had one tiny melt-down on the first BNA to DFW leg and the kind flight attendant directed us to our own ROW, near the engines. For once I was glad of the loud roar of the plane. Think white noise! The DFW to GGG leg got a whole lot shorter now that they have jets. We were barely up before we began our descent! We are now safe and sound in Texas. Let the family fest begin!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The dress...part 2

I think this deserves it's own post. Finally, the baptism gown. Go ahead...oooo and ahhh. I still do! I can't believe it came together so well! It just turned out perfect.




Perfect shoes - a gift from our friend Desire'!




Some details...

Nope, I didn't finish the buttonholes. I didn't have a buttonhole foot and couldn't bear to have them be crooked. If I did them by hand they would have been. She went to church pinned in! :) I'll finish it when my buttonhole foot comes in.



Two months worth of planning and sewing for one little 10 minute event! It was worth it. In fact...that sounds like the other time this fabric was worn!

The dress...part 1

I've been showing you bits and pieces of this as I created it, but the final product is now on it's way. And since most of you are smart, I know you knew already that it was the Baby Bear's baptism gown!

For once I was glad that I am a pack-rat when I found a stash of material leftover from when I made my wedding gown and veil.
My wedding dress (more photos here)

The scraps (even thread!)

Then there was the process of matching the creamy (winter white) shade that my dress had been with the batiste I bought, which would become the actual baptism gown. Then there was the practicing of my tiny little embroidery stitches so they would be perfect.

Then I had to take the pattern that my friend Beth loaned me and make it...well...girly! She sewed hers for her son and it was so handsome, with generations of trim and tatting to make it perfect. But it was still very boyish. Honestly, I spent more time thinking about this gown than actually sewing it! I had a limited amount of lace, so I couldn't follow the pattern exactly and that meant a lot of planning BEFORE I cut. I've learned that lesson (more than once) the hard way. Then I found a cute little pink dress that had all the right details and was in the size I needed, so I measured the heck out of it, measured again, wrote notes all over the place. I found an amazing site called Vintage Sewing, which told me how to change the sleeves (scroll down until you see 'Various types of short puffed sleeves')from straight to puffed (my little tribute to Anne - everyone needs puffed sleeves sometimes!) Once all of that thinking and preparation was done, I dove right in!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Bless-ed

I'm writing a theme song for a camp this summer and I am a little stuck. The theme for the camp is the Beatitudes, specifically from Matthew 5, but how to distill them? I've read a lot of lesson plans on how to teach them to children, but most of them come across as a list of rules or good works that you can do to get close to God. I know there is nothing I can do that is 'good enough' to bring me to God, so it isn't a list of 'do this and you'll be blessed'.

So how to break it down for children ages 3-11 without making it sound like a list of rules? Here's a version from The Message. I like it much better. So I've been rolling this over and over in my mind. The message, though they may not get it now, is important. I want it to stick with them.

My thoughts so far:
Merriam Webster defines blessed as this:
1 held in reverence, venerated, honored in worship, hallowed ex: the blessed Trinity
2.beatific, blessed visitation, of or enjoying happiness, enjoying the bliss of heaven —used as a title for a beatified person
3.bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune

Enjoying the bliss of heaven or the 'complete happiness' of heaven...

This is more like a list of things that show how much I am loved and how every place I may be in, He is there with me, and in that is joy.

For example:
When I've reached the end of myself, He is there waiting for me.
When I grieve and am sad, I am held so close.
When I understand that I am his joy, his creation, just as I am, then I'll see how He delights in me.
When I am hungry for God, I'll be filled with the best food I've ever had.

And so on.

I'm going to continue rolling this around until it's a song. I'd like to remove all the Christian-ese until it's just a simple thought, a prayer, a praise, a joy, a song.

Thoughts on the Beatitudes?
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