Birthday pending

I know it's not November. It's only almost October, which means 6 weeks till my birthday, but it's kind of a big deal to me. I know it's nerdy, but if I have learned one thing over the last 5 years, it is to tell people what I want/need. If I never say it, how will people know? So I'm putting it out there. I would really like to have a digital SLR for my birthday. Canon would be best so I can use the same lenses from my 35 mm Canon. Look to the left (it's orange) for my Kaboodle wish list.

They are pricey, I'll grant you, but it doesn't have to be new! Anything in the Rebel family would work perfectly for my purposes, but I'm not opposed to the higher end ones if someone has one they don't want any more. So I've put it out there. It's hard sometimes to ask for what I want, especially with a history of growing up in a situation where there wasn't much, so we just didn't ask. I tend to deprive myself of even the basic necessities so this is progress for me. With that, I'm going to go enjoy the lingering relaxation of the massage I had today. (A necessity at this point!)

Third trimester sleep - much like chutes and ladders

Image from here

Remember that game from when we were kids called Chutes and Ladders? The object was to get from 1 to 100, but if you landed on a ladder,you could skip some squares...a chute? All the way back down. Sometimes to nearly the beginning! There was no rhyme or reason beyond the luck of the roll, except if you looked closely at the pictures. At the top of the chute was always a careless behavior, while at the bottom of the ladder was something more 'responsible.' Now imagine if you will, those chutes and ladders are on a grid with hours of the night on it. I was making one in photoshop, but got tired.

This all came to me about 3 am, when I got up for my first trip to the potty and I realized, I spend my night hours trying to beat the clock for sleep. If my first trip to the potty is before 2 am...look out. I've done something that day that will make it very hard to sleep. (Unfortunately there are no helpful pictures to show me what behaviors to avoid!) Here's how the night could go... ('sleep' is ladder, 'wide awake' is chute)

Start
Drank lots of water today! Sleep 2 hours
Ooops. Drank a little too much. Wake up after an hour to have to pee - Wide awake one half hour
Exercised today! Sleep 3 hours
Over did it. Sore muscles make body uncomfortable - Wide awake an hour
Late night cravings – If chocolate Wide Awake 4 hours
Late night cravings - if protein AND if I can find it in the dark - sleep one hour
Husband snoring – Wide awake 1 hour - will probably have to pee again.
Ate healthy meals all day, not too much carbs or sugar – Sleep 3 hours
Body randomly rejects food – Wide awake 1/2 hour in bathroom.
Worry about the nursery – Wide awake 1 hour
Baby decides to have a dance party in your uterus – Wide awake ½ hour
Swelling causes loss of sensation and sharp pain in hands – Wide awake 2 hours (if can find tylenol in the dark)
Warm bath – Sleep 3 hours
Husband steals body pillow in the night - Wide awake 1/2 hour with sore tummy from no support. (steal it back!)
Yoga poses did great things for muscles - sleep 2 hours
Yoga helps digestion system speed up - Wide awake in bathroom 1/4 hour (with lights out) 1/2 (with lights on) - am very skilled at pottying in the dark at this point.
Forgot to take dog out for one last potty before bed - dog licks hand at 6 am - Wide awake from then on.
Took dog potty last night and all the stars align - Sleep till 8am. Inexplicably still tired and sore. Do morning yoga to recover from sleeping.
Finish

I wish I could make a clever board game for this! Wouldn't it be a fun game to play at baby showers? Hmmm. On second thought it might be too close to reality to be fun.

Naps and La-z-boys

I live in the la-z-boy lately for the following reasons:
1. I can put my feet up and actually see them and they don't swell as much
2. It's close to the Geek and he can hold my toes...it's quite comforting. You should try it.
3. I can swivel my laptop around to show the Geek whatever funny thing I'm reading or looking at while he does his computer-y thing on his computer
4. Easy access to my lap top

It's the good life. Monday begins the nesting...and more napping.

Bump update - 30 weeks

I miss my old face. I don't like all the extra (swollen) nose and (chubby) chin I have from this baby! This too shall pass...

Just thought I'd share this. I don't feel myself lately. This week has been a never ending round of swelling and sore places. I think my joints are starting to really relax and it is not a comfortable feeling. The Dr. confirmed this week that the large something I've been trying to get baby girl to stop pushing out of my right side is her bum. She does it so much I go lopsided sometimes! It's not a pleasant sensation, but I am glad to know she is moving and healthy.

Insomnia continues, mostly due to how uncomfortable it is to sleep lately. Poor Geek! I sleep in a nest of pillows and I am amazed there is any room for him in the bed. I almost nightly shake him awake to rub my arm or shoulder. He is VERY long suffering for me. Thanks Honey! The baby girl is very wiggly and I am very forgetful. I am carrying her low (thank Heavens for a long waist! I'm not half strangled yet) but the down side is she just pounds on my bladder. I stand up, she shifts and I have to pee...right then.

On the up side, the Geek and I have been having a very sweet season with lots of great conversations about our little girl and things we'd like her to learn. He is quite enamored over 'his girls' and tells me every day how cute I look. In my mind, I more resemble a beach ball, but it goes my heart good to know that my hubs finds me beautiful in all stages of life, not just when I am at my fittest.

Getting brave...here's the belly. (with pig tails)

I am now an official Stay at home Mom, even if she still IS on the inside. What can I say, it sort of a low maintenance job right now... My sweet co-workers gave me a nice going away party and mini baby shower! It was very fun. Here is the cake, which I thought was the cutest.

A sweet sugary baby carriage!

I'll miss the people I worked with since I wont' see them as often. It's a strange and wonderful thing to wake up with nothing to do all day except what I choose to do. It won't last much longer so I am grateful for each moment!

The right words open doors

HISTORIA DE UN LETRERO (THE STORY OF A SIGN)

Good-bye little FX

You've were a good car, for 5 long years. When Scott and Annmarie gave you to me, I was grateful. They couldn't take two cars to NYC and they gave you to me, my little FX, for nothing. I put you with a friend while I went to Peru and she lost the key! Oh well. A locksmith later and you were mine, all mine. My very own roller skate!

I ran you all over the place!! Several trips to TX, lots of kids packed in the back in car seats when I was a Nanny, and, to be honest, not that many repairs. Once you even held a washing machine in your hatch! It was like you were magic, little on the outside, huge inside! You even graced the cover of my last album: Scenes from a moving car. Who would have known you'd be sidelined by a bad transmission, stuck in my driveway for 18 months while I moved on, replacing you with a shiny new (to me) super beetle (which in retrospect was not a great plan, considering how many repairs Naartjie has had in the last year-sigh). If you are anything like Herby (and I think you may have been), your fenders drooped when I drove that shiny orange car into the drive. The Geek and I met and got married during the time I drove you, little thing. Thanks to you, we never made out in the back seat! (There was no room. My own personal vehicular chastity belt...lol) Then, when his car broke down, you became our only ride. Faithful, hard working, tiny. That was my FX. I can't watch them haul you away just now, on the back of a flat bed trailer. They said you'd be melted down to make more cars. Good luck little FX. I hope you end up as a Ferrari!

I was collecting all the leftover bits and bobs from inside the car this morning in preparation for my her to hauled away, junked, and I am all sad now. She was such a good car, and with a new tranny and a battery, would be good as used! It seems such a waste. I love my bug, but he's a temperamental thing that will leave me stranded as soon as look at me! Jamie is having to fix the electrical system that shorted out last night and left me and the Geek parked in the Sheet Metal Workers Union parking lot, stranded, unable to attend birthing class, begging a neighbor to come pick us up! Here's a link to a set of photos of her when I tried to sell her to someone else who could love her, my little FX.

Gas Crisis in Nashville makes some laugh...News at 11

There has been a shortage of gasoline in Nashville for several weeks now, with insane lines and fights (fights!) at the pumps over who gets gas next. Police and gas station attendants have to shuttle in cars one at a time! It's been crazy. We just stayed home for the weekend and the Geek worked from home yesterday. Last night I ventured out to hang with my Monday night group and found gas for $4.39/gallon, but no lines (@7pm) and filled up the bug which should last us a good week and a half! It only holds about 8 gallons too, so it didn't break the bank. People have really been in a panic about this and this video is a humorous look at the gas crisis, with subtitles. What would we do if the US REALLY had a gas crisis? I personally think people would start getting shivved at the pump.

Blogger won't let me embed it, so here's a link: Gas Crisis

Today's Craving

I just randomly got a whiff of something that might be hazelnut and my brain latched onto this...These chocolates didn't used to be so upper-crust. When they first came to the US, you could find them in bulk at places like Big Lots and Costco for CHEAP! I discovered them there and loved them, although no one had heard of them back the. Now they are all swanky, but still just as good. The remind me (for good reason) of my other craving. If you love me...FEED ME!

For your own safety

The Geek and I have long found it an amusing past time to read airline safety cards and insert our own words. Apparently this guy had the same idea (although some are a tad racier than we've ever thought up). I actually peed my pants while laughing. A first since...I don't know...I was about 6? Thanks baby on my bladder!

In our last birthing class they handed us a sheet with labor and birthing positions and the Geek and I quickly fell to making fun in the same way. So much so that we giggled and laughed while all the other pregger couples sat there solemnly waiting for the teacher to begin her lecture. At least we know how to have fun! I'm including some for you with our subtitles substituted for the actual names of the positions.

Pie...it's what's for dinner

I spent a few hours today working on a lovely apple pie from apples from my friend's tree and after slaving away (not really) I didn't feel much like making dinner so when the Geek called from the kitchen if there was anything instant that he could just eat...I called back, "Ummm...Pie!" So the Geek, who doesn't even LIKE apple pie has been won over. And approves of my apple pie. Although, sadly, I didn't read the directions very carefully and I set the heat a smidge too high and burnt the outside crust a bit. I still have more apples to use so there will be a followup. I'm gonna share this one with my neighbors and the next one with others. That way I get the fun of making, but not the groggy heavy feeling of having eaten an entire pie (which I could do with gusto at this point!)

Oh...that's not right...

Yes, I'm escaping. Don't judge me!

Since this blog is about the Musician (me) and the Geek (my hubs) and the analogy of our married life given is the Mac vs. PC commercials...how we are so opposite, I found it very funny that there are PC vs. Mac commercials. All of them can be found here. I'll add one here, just for a taste. It's a little too close to home with my Geek out earning me on a scale of...oh...let's not talk about it, shall we? It's too depressing. But damn it! I'm artsy!

Sigh

more animals

It's one of those days. Even pirates can't cheer me up. Everything seems big and ominous and my cup, which is usually at LEAST half full seems to be missing entirely. Things, on the outside, don't seem that bad, I'm healthy, fed, clothed, housed, and there's money in the bank, but I sometimes rely on my relationships with others too much to fill me up, which is an nice way of saying I can be a bit of an emotional tick.

TLC twittered me this this morning: God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26 Sometimes I forget who goes in the place of the noun in that sentence and I start substituting words like The Geek, A paycheck, My girlfriends, Being free from debt, etc. I know in my head who needs to say in that place, but my heart is desperate and wild and runs far from true safety. I guess I need to spend some time reminding myself today of who is truly the strength of my heart.

Pirates don't tolerate trespassers either.

I had run in with trespassers last night (while I was already pissed about something) which ended in police coming to visit (I called them) to check out the house. Angry pregnant girl yelling the the front yard = not a pretty site. Yes, I was wrong. I hate saying it. I always have to say it. You were right. It was stupid and I was taking out on them the pissiness I felt for someone else. I wish I was a pirate and could make the punks walk the plank. It's Pirate day. Just so you know.

My pirate name is:

Mad Anne Cash

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Things that go bump in the night

Strange arrhythmic thumping in the hall. Little chittering noises accompanying. What could that be? Oh. The cat and the racketball. Freckles looks at me with her big browns and sighs.

Politics go to 11

Over on my local neighborhood google group, someone posted a link to this article about why people vote republican and then summed it up. I responded there where the discussion had sunk into an insane insult fest, but thought I'd put it out there for y'all to read. Brace yourself...I wax very prosaic.

"Did anyone actually read the article? I did. It was very well
thought out and incredibly well presented. If one only read the first
half then yes, the conclusion would be as (the original poster) put it:
"Folks like things simple. Too much thought and analysis is scary and
too complex (= boring). Even when the scary and too complex is the
reality and the simple is just a big fat lie, folks tend to choose the
simple. And if the ones who prefer the simple are in the majority, the
republicans win. Isn't that simple?"

But upon reading the whole thing, I found that this is the more key
factor that he addresses:

"In several large internet surveys, my collaborators Jesse Graham,
Brian Nosek and I have found that people who call themselves strongly
liberal endorse statements related to the harm/care and fairness/
reciprocity foundations, and they largely reject statements related to
ingroup/loyalty, authority/respect, and purity/sanctity People who
call themselves strongly conservative, in contrast, endorse statements
related to all five foundations more or less equally. We think of the
moral mind as being like an audio equalizer, with five slider switches
for different parts of the moral spectrum. Democrats generally use a
much smaller part of the spectrum than do Republicans. The resulting
music may sound beautiful to other Democrats, but it sounds thin and
incomplete to many of the swing voters that left the party in the
1980s, and whom the Democrats must recapture if they want to produce a
lasting political realignment."

To sum up that paragraph, the way a conservative sees the world is
actually more complex, not more simple. There are more factors
involved than what is just fair and right and how I care for others
around me. I find that, as a conservative, the things that are not
addressed in the politics of the Democratic party matter to me and
therefore I seek a party that will look to those things. While I
agree with many parts of the liberal doctrine, there other issues that
I weigh out.

No one would call me a fool or a moron if I respected my parents and
took care of them in their old age, in spite of whatever mistakes I
felt they had made in my upbringing. That is an example of authority/
respect. It's not a 'submit to my man' (ask my husband if this
happens! Ha!), 'the man', 'the church' (which allows me a place to
both question and be questioned in my beliefs) or any other kind of
thing.

No one would call me a fool or a moron if I told you that my Marine
baby brother is being deployed to Iraq tomorrow (which he is) and I
respect him, his choice to serve in this way (he joined AFTER we were
at war), and the military branch he serves and the work they do (which
is not all bad, in spite of what the media may say) because I love him
and he is an adult who chose to do a brave thing. You bet your sweet
butt I'll be there waving a flag when he comes home. This is an
example of ingroup/loyalty.

Lastly, no one would call me a fool or an idiot if I made it a
priority in my life to love and respect my husband as a partner and
friend and to be faithful to him and him to me in return. It's what
tons of relationship books are based on. It also doesn't make me a
fool to believe in something bigger than myself and to strive toward
that as an example of how to live in peace, care for others, and love
myself and others well rather than harming others, and serving only
myself sexually, emotionally and materially at the expense of those
who need me (these people are regularly lambasted here on the
listserve as 'degenerates'). Yet these are examples of purity/
sanctity.

I did find it interesting that Haidt stated that (my paraphrase) the
tempting part of his initial diagnosis was the seduction of claiming
the 'moral high ground' that the pleasure of diagnosis could lead to,
"blind(ing) us to what I think is one of the main reasons that so many
Americans voted Republican over the last 30 years: they honestly
prefer the Republican vision of a moral order to the one offered by
Democrats."

There have been a lot of assumptions on this listserve that people
vote republican because they are (I am) duped into it, because they
are simple minded and run away from the challenge of thinking through
things, because they are closed minded, racist, scared, and ignorant.
Yet I know for me, that is not the case. Haidt so very succinctly
states that "Until Democrats understand this point (the three other
principles of morality that come into play for conservatives), they
will be vulnerable to the seductive but false belief that Americans
vote for Republicans primarily because they have been duped into doing
so." and I tend to agree with him. There are more issues at stake for
me and that drives me (and many like me) to do more homework, to ask
more questions, to dig deeper, to not be sucked in by either sides
brilliant speeches, but to think for myself.

Great article. I would have loved to see some intelligent discussion
about that instead of the crazed free-for-all that resulted."

The Musician

Briskly into denial

With the morning temp at a lovely 59 degrees F, it feels as though we've made the turn into an early fall, which is nice. The weather report shows a whopping 83 for a high this week so there is continued hope. The weather change always takes me by surprise, as if it's always supposed to be hot. I know why it changes but it always seems a mystery to me.

I have to say I am in denial about something. My brother leaves for Iraq in less than 4 days, but I haven't called him to talk to him. There is a slim chance it could be the last time I talk to him, but somewhere in my child-like thinking, I suppose that if I shut my ears and eyes up tight then whatever scares me will go away. In this case, my brother putting his life on the line for a country that frankly doesn't care whether he goes or not and sees the whole thing as a political bungle, and entering into a country where the people both want his presence (from what I've heard) and resent him being there. Now, he's a tough kid. He has to be to be a Marine, but he's still my baby brother. He was 10 when I left for college and grew up without me there. I have a different relationship with him than I do with the siblings closer to my age. It's not that rivalry that existed between me and them, it's a more protective feeling. I held him when he was a baby!

He still has an innocence about him. He's not up on all the technology, but spent his high school weekends hunting raccoons with his favorite hound in the woods rather than at parties (not that he didn't do his share of stupid stuff...We all do). He's a quiet thinker. He laughs and has fun, but keeps a lot of things to himself. He's a crack shot with a rifle and the Marines thought so too. They were training him to be a sniper hunter (better than the snipers), but the mission shifted and his assignment changed from Afghanistan hunting snipers to Iraq in a Bradley (which is a far sight better than a hummer - read DEATH TRAP). He's my brother so you know he's stubborn (that runs in the family) but he's kind too. I am afraid for him, but at the same time, know that finally found a place in the world where he can succeed.

But this phone call...I somehow feel it should be important, that I should say what I need to say in case I never get to say it again. But my brother (who is a bit of a good ol boy) will probably greet me with a 'Hey Nana (my childhood nickname)' and we'll talk about nothing in particular for a few minutes. I'll tell him I love him, he'll say he loves me too and that will be that. I know in my head that it doesn't have to be more than that, that he knows how much I love him, but it feels too casual. I can't go to CA and hug his neck goodbye. I wasn't able to get to TX to see him when he was there a few weeks ago. It's the option I am given and I will take it, but it feels inadequate. It reminds me how little I have taken advantage of what time he did have here in the US left. I could 'should' my self to death over this one. So today it's on my calendar. I'll make the phone call and tell him I love him and 'don't die'. And I'll pray for him every day, miss him and hope he has figured out the importance of email.

POST UPDATE: My cell phone rang this morning at 9:24 am (7:24 CA time) and it was my little brother telling me when he's leaving. Sooner, rather than later. We talked for a minute and he had to go load gear. I said what I needed to say and then cried for awhile.

Satire not too far off center

Required reading for this blog post:

An Immodest Proposal: Time for a sex tax

After you've read that come back. It's your homework! hee hee.

While I understand the irony and amusement of this work of satire, I don't think it's a too far fetched idea to tax industries, such as the 'adult entertainment' industry that do nothing for the economy besides indulge our pleasure oriented natures only. The New York Times this morning had many a tale of large financial institutions collapsing or on the brink of collapse with a government unwilling because they are unable to bail out these institutions. Yet if internet content is any indication of a thriving industry then the porn industry is raking it in. This industry brings no tradable goods to the market (unless you consider the human body a tradable commodity - which I and millions of others do not), and so creates a drain in the economy.
Here are a few examples:

• Power stations can't build up to full power as men (and women) stay up all night running their computers and downloading images and video
• Spouses lie in bed for hours waiting for the distracted spouse to come to bed, creating a rift between couples, leading to problems in the marriage and eventually divorce
• Hours wasted in unproductive activity that neither adds to the economy or adds to the true enjoyment of the participant as it only serves to create a need for further activity, not an actual satiating effect.

A universal drain on the economy. So why not tax that! Think about it. We already have luxury tax. Doesn't this fall into that category?

The rest of the things they could tax would be too controversial to ever be passed through in a vote, however much I might agree with them. The Geek says I'm losing my sense of humor (and short term memory) as I embark on the last stage of pregnancy, and perhaps that is true. Even this blog post is not funny. sigh.

Driveway from street to alley not such a great plan

We have been living peaceably in our house for over a year now. No incidents, no crime, no nothing. Not even petty theft from the porch! (although I wouldn't want that grotty Weber Kettle either) The only thing that continues to aggravate me and the Geek is the use of our driveway as a cut through. It runs from the alley to the street and serves as a nearly mid-block short cut. I'm sure the renters who lived here never minded the foot traffic, but it is not OK with us.

I've been known to stick my head out of the door many a time and yell for someone not to walk through our driveway. The convenience of having a second exit from the driveway is slightly outweighed by the fact that people in the yard could find tempting ways to break in. Our basement door is visible if you walk through, and so are the back windows. The Geek and I had a discussion this morning about whether or not we should shoot them with his airsoft gun if we see them. I vote yes (and would be perfectly within TN state laws to do so as long as we had a sign) and he votes no, since he doesn't want to bring the wrath of any local gangs down on our house.

What do you think?

In utero rocking to Gabe Dixon Band

I took a good nap this afternoon and went to hear the Gabe Dixon Band as well as spend my hoarded allowance on their new CD. It rocked, of course. Baby girl loved it too. She wiggled a lot! They played at the Belcourt which is always nice since it's also a theatre and the sound is great, but not so loud I have to wear earplugs. I've posted about this band before, here, and since it wasn't that long ago, I'll spare you another fangirl rant. Suffice it say, I had great time. More in the am. Good night!

Memoires of an (American) Geisha

I am boggled. Seriously. I understand wanting to not have school loans to pay off, but this is insane. A woman, under the pseudonym Natalie Dylan, is auctioning off her virginity to pay for her schooling. She uses a pseudonym for safety reasons, but puts her face up all over the web...um. How does that work?

In Memoirs of a Geisha, the main character basically had the same thing happen to her and so this reminded me of that book. Dylan is quoted as saying,

"I don't have a moral dilemma with it."
"We live in a capitalist society," she tells us. "Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?"

Yipe! As for the obvious fact that this is prostitution, she is taking it to a place where it's legal to do this sort of thing. Nevada.

She's already earned her degree in women's studies and hopes to start a masters in Marriage and Family therapy. WHAT?! Would you want this woman trying to fix your marriage or family? And with a degree in women's studies, you'd think she'd learned a little bit more about women and how their bodies are not a commodity. I am flabbergasted. I'd like to be out of consumer debt and maybe have the house paid off, and Dickerson Rd is just a few short blocks away, but there are just some things that aren't worth it.

This sad case (and I say that because she obviously needs some help) of a woman undergoing all these tests to prove she really is a virgin, but what about the nasty guy (and yes, I think any person who pays money for sex is nasty and sick) who actually wins the bid? Is he going to be tested for STDs? How many times before she actually lets him touch her, since it takes awhile for some STDs to show up? What if he doesn't want to use protection? There are too many variables here!

At best (if you remove the moral issue, which I can't really and what about this being an intimate act between two people! How is an action winner intimate?), this is reckless and stupid, at worst, it's a violation of everything that human rights and women's rights advocates have worked against for years and shows a serious lack of respect for ones self. Plus the fact that it's being touted by it's proponents as a good thing, applauded as a savvy business move. Sheesh. How is one expected to bring a baby girl into this world?

On the other hand, maybe she's hoping for a book deal and a page turner of a thesis paper out of it.