Beautiful and Precious

There is something beautiful and precious about life.  It's so fragile yet so unstoppable.  Against all odds, the seeds of spring survive, buried deep in what seems like a kind of death.  But the sun warms.  The rains fall.  And the idea of what could be, comes alive in a small, hard cocoon of forgotten possibility.

And so it is with the lives of my precious children.  In some ways I feel unworthy of the life they have awoken in my being.  Like I was never meant to feel this deeply or this wildly.  It's a strange and wonderfully scary place to be.  The seed of forgotten possibility suddenly wants to put down deep roots and send tentative tendrils up, reaching for the sun.

We went this last week to have an ultrasound to see what to expect with this baby.  My faithless heart and I went wearing black, just in case I would begin mourning in that moment.  My expectant heart and I dressed up a bit, hoping that moment would be a celebration.  And God knew which one it would be before that baby's form ever flashed on the screen, while I yelled, "I see it!"  and my tender-hearted husband cried beside me, and a weight lifted off of us.

I am tempted to write that God is faithful.  He is.  But for every mourning heart of a parent out there, those words sting.  Why was He not faithful to heal the lost children?  The hurting ones?  The children of this world who haven't made it to their 2 month birthdays, like sweet Pearl has?  I don't know the answer.  He is faithful, but it all is beyond my understanding.   Why do I get these three children when dear friends try again and again for a second baby?  A first baby.  It's not fair.  My joy seems gaudy in the face of their sorrow.

And yet it grows.  God has a plan.  In time I won't be able to hide that He is working in my body and this baby's body.  It is the unstoppable force of dust that has had breath breathed into it by the Creator.  His plan for this little one may be big or small, but it is part of God's story.  I can't even write my own chapter.  If I could, I would have skipped all of the sad parts.

I don't know why my friends can't have children right now, but I know that God binds up the wounds of the broken hearted.  He did mine.  He will yours.  The wildly and deeply will come.  And though the seeds may have not awakened yet, they lie sleeping in your heart and He knows.  And He holds the pieces of you in His hands to keep you from falling apart when everything threatens to break.  And here's what I want you to know; it is you who are beautiful and precious. 

For MQ, JD, KC, and BN.   And for every other mother out there who has lost their baby. 

Letters to Pearl: We shall see God

Dear friend,

  This post is part of a collective of letters to Pearl Joy Brown.  I've written about her before in this space, but since then her life has touched so many people.  This is a bit about how she has touched mine.

Dear Pearl,

   Your mama and I found out we were pregnant with our little girls around the same time.  My baby did not live longer than a few weeks in my belly, but every day you grew, I rejoiced.  When your papa sent word of what experts thought was your fatal illness, my heart failed me. I lost faith.  I could not grieve my own baby and you at the same time, so I retreated back into myself.  With every letter your papa sent out, I rode the roller coaster from afar of hope and fear for what your life could be.  I remember reading these paragraphs and just crying.

"We truly feel privileged to have been given the opportunity to care for Pearl. People all over the world get the same type of devastating news every day, so it’s not as if we are unique or special. The amazing part is that God chose two of the most normal, unimpressive people that we know of and has given us the privilege of partnering with him in unfolding a story about a baby girl with only half of a brain and no nose, and a God who numbers days, makes people out of dirt, and rides in to town on a donkey, unlike any other king has ever done. He has used us to display himself. He has pulled us in close, because he knows that if he doesn’t, we will rebel and fall off the deep end. We have peace that passes all understanding, even while in the midst of something that should otherwise crush us. It’s not as if we’ve already gone through the fire and are able to look back at how he sustained us. We are in it, and he is good."

and this:

"Pearl bears the image of the same God that Brennan and Abbey do. We do not need to hide image bearers from other image bearers. God knit Pearl together in Ruth’s womb exactly as he saw fit. He didn’t make a mistake. Things didn’t go wrong. He brought her form into being with the same intentionality that he has created everyone. " 

This was faith beyond measure in your family and I wondered where mine was.  When your mama asked for scriptures for your blanket, even my choice of God's word reflected my faithless heart.  I embroidered, "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God" Matthew 5:8.  My fear was that you and your innocent heart would make a brief appearance here and then you would be in the presence of our Father and I dared not choose a verse that was about hope, for I had none for myself.

And then you were born.  And then you lived!  People said the word, "Miracle" and my faithless heart turned away.  I still feared.  It took me a long time to come visit you.  I held your sweet, tiny body and then I prayed for you.  For your family, for your very breath.  And the word "miracle" went past my head where the fears and doubts lived and hit my heart.  You are a miracle.  I said that word as I breathed thanks to the God who created you.  Who knew you.  Who knew exactly what your story would be.

Nearly 6 weeks later and you are still here.  Not just alive, but thriving, growing, and changing the world.  And here I am, nearly 6 weeks pregnant.  God did a work in your body, in your family, and through your story, the world.  He is also doing a work in my body and in my family.  I don't know the answers.  I don't know if my baby will live.  I don't know the outcomes for any of us, but I know that right here and right now, God is good.  

He has a plan and He is working all things together for Good.  I still find fear in my heart when I think about your future and my baby's future, but more and more, I find faith, hope, and peace.  And though I chose that scripture from a place of no faith, it has come true.  Through your precious, tiny, and pure heart, we have seen God.  Thank you Pearl, for the gift that is your very life and breath.

You can read more about Pearl's story on her blog.  http://pearljoybrown.wordpress.com/

If Pearl has touched your life, you can write her a letter too.  Here's how:

There are three ways to share your Letter to Pearl:

1. Publish your letter on your blog or web site. Link your post to Life.Edited via the “Click here to enter” link at the bottom. *Please link directly to the post with your letter in it (not to your blog’s homepage). The link-up will remain open until Friday, Sept 14, at 11:59PM.

2. Publish your letter as a note on Facebook. Post the note on your own Wall/Timeline, then copy/paste the note as a Wall post on the Letters to Pearl event page HERE.

3. Mail your letter to Pearl. Send your handwritten letter or a copy of your published letter to:
Letters to Pearl
c/o Eric or Ruth Brown
PO Box 160083
Nashville, TN 37216
Thank you for sharing your part of Pearl’s story.
Click here to enter your link and view the Letters to Pearl link-up list…

If you would like to support the Browns in a tangible way, I have something for you too.  They need a van!   Here's how to help make that happen.

Rain for Roots: Alice's Story (and a giveaway!)

Y'all who know me, know I'm all about relationships, so I'd like to introduce you to some friends of mine.  They are dreamers, they are makers of beautiful things, they are lovely women whose heart's desire is to teach young children the Good News.  They have come together to create a wonderful album full of music that does just that, called Rain for Roots.  

 

photo credit: Wendy Twit

They are pictured above with their children and/or husbands and if you look closely, you just might see some familiar faces.  The group is composed of Sandra McCracken, pictured with her hubs Derek Webb and their kids (yes, that Derek Webb, for those of you who know me from my 'covering songs by Caedmon's Call' era, long, long ago.), Katy Bowser (of Coaltrain Railroad fame and other fabulous projects) pictured with her hubs Kenny Hutson and their daughter, Flo Paris, pictured with her hubs Josh Oaks an their girls, Ellie Holcomb and her hubs Drew, and Alice Smith and her hubs Matthew Smith with their boys.  Such a collection of wonderfully supported women making beautiful things and this is Alice's part of the story.

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I recently got a chance to sit down with Alice Smith, who is the type A gal behind the scenes making it all happen, ie, project manager, publicity, and so much more, to hear about the growing of this garden of songs from her perspective.  Alice brings an amazing level of organization to things that makes my head spin!

First, tell us a little about the idea behind Rain for Roots, how it was born and how you became involved.

"The idea was God's idea. Truly, multiple women separately approached those involved and encouraged them to make scripture songs for children.  Katy began sharing the idea and found that the same idea was on the hearts of others.  Last spring and summer, every time we were together, the idea came up and then in mid-July (a few days after Flo very sweetly had a dinner gathering as a belated birthday celebration for Sandra and me) Sandra sent this email: 

"What should we name our girl-kids-music band? 
Should we do just hymns and psalms? 
Scripture readings in between songs (by the kiddos)? 
Let's brainstorm a list of songs we love... This could be super lo fi. And super fun. :)"

That sparked more brainstorming and kept the seed of the idea growing. Katy reached out to Sally during Hutchmoot and the 6 of us shared lunch at Marché to get Sally's thoughts on her own involvement.  At the time, we were thinking of writing out of her Jesus Storybook Bible but, the day before, Katy had seen and bought Sally's Baby's Hug-A-Bible. At that meal, Katy pulled it out of her bag and we started imagining what a 10 song album based on those 10 poems would be like.  This project, Rain for Roots' first release, is hopefully the first of many."

You and the other women who created the album -- Katy, Ellie, Flo, and Sandra  -- are neighbors in a very real sense. What role did the East Nashville community play in your collective hopes for the record and its audience?

"Relationally, a long history of knowing one another and being close both in proximity and in heart made collaboration an much more natural and easy process.  There is a lot of unity and trust among us and that foundation led to freedom in throwing out ideas, challenging one another with hard questions and working through various shifts in the make up of the project.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the strong support of all the husbands involved.  They did double duty as fathers and supporters and contributed their own expertise musically."

How did it feel to project manage who are also dear friends?

"I've loved them all as songwriters and though I don't know Ellie as well, it was a great joy to watch and help. Getting to know Sandra as a producer (her first time in this role) was amazing.  Her insight, wisdom, boldness, careful thought and musical sensibilities were easy to support.  Ellie dove in with both feet and her enthusiasm and encouragement along the way kept everyone engaged.  And, Flo too is a great part of this team of women, looking for ways to engage the neighborhood, adding to the resources we have to get the music out there and offering her heart at every turn along the way. I've worked with Katy, consulting on Coal Train Railroad, and within the Indelible Grace projects, so it was a natural mode for us to find. I still feel like we are at the very beginning of what I hope will be a long, multifaceted working relationship."

I have been thinking about your piece in Art House America and how you said, in part, that your art was creating relationships and connections and reveling in the beauty to be found around you (my own summation).  I know you to be a creative person in your own right and although you didn't sing on this album, I want to hear about the creative process for you in approaching this project.

"For me, this project has been a welcomed gift. It is a place, among friends, to contribute some of my own skills and passion while working to create something I deeply believe in. That, in itself, is something I've longed for for years. The process has been full of opportunities to trust God and to not let insecurity and fear get me down. 

In early October, only a few weeks after we got the go ahead from Sally to write to her poems, I was with Katy in Minnesota  when she wrote God Helps Baby Moses. It was a great joy to be part of the first hearings of that and the other demos and work tapes that were circulating via email. Each time Ellie, Sandra, Flo and Katy sent through a song, I was struck by how immediately memorable each was.  Their talent and heart for the gospel of Jesus shone through in such beautiful ways.

Later, in the studio with Sandra and Flo as they recorded Flo's God Rescues Noah From The Storm, they invited me to give input as they worked out the form of the song.  We experimented with a few ways of asking and answering the questions posed in the lyrics. We tried repeating a few of the sections to let the heavy truths sink in and linger; that God is the one who keeps his promises and does "just what he says he'll do". I loved the editing process; feeling the changes with each new form the song took, even with the same words and melody, so many options were there. This opened up to me a greater understanding of the work of songwriters.

Also, I observed Sally as she came in to listen to her words set to these melodies and, at some point, referred to her as a songwriter...which was a new title for her to add to author, speaker and poet. I LOVE seeing souls find their way into new roles.  

That same day, when we gave Sally the best seat in the studio to listen, I (somewhat shyly and concerned it may be out of turn) mentioned that I was missing the voice of the men on the project because, at that point, it was only women and kiddos singing.  Everyone agreed and a few days later Sandra sent out a sweet email to the husbands with the simple subject line "low notes?". 

I approached it as work I'm called to and am offering means of order and looking for relational connections that make sense to follow for sharing the work.  I'm incredibly proud of the songs and am enjoying the work so very much."

What has been the most meaningful experience to come out of this album for you?

"The most meaningful experiences have been the way God uses the songs themselves.  On Easter morning, after our church's sunrise service, our family came back home, groggy and bundled in sweaters from the cool morning.  Sitting in our living room, still trying to wake up, we sang Jesus Is Alive over and over again.  The boys lept and danced and I sat deeply encouraged that this batch of songs (and others to come in the future from Rain for Roots) are part of the soundtrack of our family.

Other times, I've woken up in the middle of the night with these songs on my mind.  God's spirit gently but strongly imparts that I am the little one being addressed and that I need to hear the promises for me and not just for my children and other little ones."

I personally love your ability to encourage and bring out the best in your artistic friends, me included, who may be a bit more disorganized that you are.  You have a way of not only perceiving a seed of an idea in others but then you help to awaken those ideas and teach others to discover hidden beauty in themselves.  I find that amazing.  What seeds did you see grow or help to grow in this project?  

"I helped oil what was already in motion and looked for ways to support the girls to help them accomplish the project.  That included everything from drafting a budget, to navigating complicated touring schedules to working out the license for the words.  The seeds for this project were given by God and we scattered them around but the growth has been His doing.  Right when we began tossing around the name Rain for Roots, our neighborhood group studied this passage from Mark:

Mark 4:26-28

²⁶ He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. ²⁷ Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. ²⁸ All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. 

I am reminded that prayer and waiting are part of helping to make good things grow."

So we've heard from Alice the neighbor, the friend, the artist and manager. This question is for Alice the mom. How have your children responded to Rain for Roots? Any favorite moments during or after production that you'd like to share with us?

"I mentioned Easter morning above. I laugh looking back at the favorite moments as a mom.  Evan sang some background vocals on Jesus Is Alive and, for some reason, being in the studio and on a mic caused him to act in a sillier manner than I'd ever seen.  Derek and Sandra commented that he was almost singing harmonies (trans: he's so off key, I'm not sure this will fit). We continue to realize that Asher would have been a much better studio contributor as he dances around the house signing Jesus Is Alive along with God Makes Everything (our current household favorites).

Jesus Stops A Storm was the last song to be written and, early on, I wondered if perhaps I could give it a whirl alongside Evan who loves to make up songs.  One night, I asked him to sing the lyrics with me.  Within a few minutes, Evan was writing his own song on the same topic, singing "Jesus, Jesus! Lord of all...Lord of the baby, Lord of the talls, Lord of the building, Lord of the mom, Lord of the eyeballs, Lord of the toys, Lord of the bulls, Lord of the animals!"  I recorded the very sweet, somewhat theological dialog that followed came out of this singing time.

Sharing treasured conversations like these and watching the boys come to believe the truth in these songs gives new meaning to Jesus' words of "Let the little children come to me..."  Sally, Ellie, Flo, Katy and Sandra are not just letting them come, they have created a way for them to run in and to savor being there, at Jesus' feet, cared for and lavished with love."

 

And finally, hat are your hopes for the continuation of this project?  What is the next step for Rain for Roots?http://rainforroots.com/

"I hope for these songs to reach the hearts of as many of God's little ones as possible.  

Rain for Roots plans to continue recording, perhaps an album of Psalm Songs for Little Ones or Genesis Songs for Little Ones.  We imagine future projects drawing more directly from the words of scripture so that as they are learned and sung, the word of God is being memorized."

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So friends, now is your chance to win a free download of this entire wonderful new album!  Are you ready?  All you have to do is go and post the free sampler download link (saying that you downloaded it) on your blog, your facebook page, or where ever you are online, and link back here in the comments.  The sampler download is on the bottom right hand corner of RfR's webpage. (Just put a link to your FB page or blog and be sure to leave your email or twitter handle so I can get ahold of you.) On Sunday afternoon, I will post the winner, so check back here for updates!

When you decide you love this album and can't live without it, head on over to Rain for Roots to by it (for only $8!) and enter 'truelove' for a 10% discount on the album (that makes it $7.20!), available to all my readers!

P.S. Exclusive interviews with the rest of the gals from Rain for Roots are available on the blogs of my fellow East Nashville Mom bloggers!
Read Flo's Story at Nala's Photography
Read Ellie's Story at Designs by Stephie
Read Sandra's Story at Life: Edited
Read Katy's Story at If Stones Could Talk

Update - Sunday May 20th!!
 I just got back from a long weekend of camping with my children and some other families and am not ready to finish the drawing up.  I'm extending until Wed. the 23rd to allow myself some time to finish a heap of smoky laundry.   See you Wednesday!
P.S.  Leave a way to contact you in the comments!  You can't win if I can't reach you! :)
Update - Wed. May 23rd.  Comments Closed!

And the random number chosen winner is Happy Wife!  Congrats, Kim!  Look for an email from me soon with your download code.
Ariana

The coolest jazz for the coolest kids - The Coal Train Railroad

{As promised yesterday, this post is 2 of 2. 1 of 2 is here}

Your bellybutton stays the same. Did you know that? According to The Coal Train Railroad's song My Bellybutton Stays the Same, it does. Here's what my friend Katy says about her new album over on her site Hand Me Downs.

"It’s great jazz for kids! Coal Train is a collaboration between Katy Bowser and Chris Donohue. It’s music about kid stuff- juice, snuggling, naps, getting along, sharing- with music that we can all enjoy together. We weren’t kidding around when we made this music- we found the best jazz musicians in town [Nashville], with special guests like Jeff Coffin and Rod McGaha jumping in. Kids deserve good music, too."

And let me tell ya, she delivers. I got to hear an advance copy on the way to the pumpkin patch the other day and it is a rollicking good time! Katy Bowser's smooth voice sings about the most wonderfully silly things while the rest of the Coal Train Railroad lays down a gorgeous groove.

Right now you can pre-order the CD, which will be released on Thanksgiving Day, but in case you can't wait (like me) you can help spread the word by telling friends about it and getting two tracks to download for free!

For more info, visit their website: www.coaltrainrailroad.com, and become a fan on facebook. Trust me. Your children (or your inner child) will thank me! (be sure to roll over the widget below for a sample)

Battling the Gray

No pictures today. I can't bear to take more photos of overcast skies. We did get out to story time at the library which was lots of fun. We were joined by a sweet mom friend and her daughter who is just a smidge older than Cora. Cora and her baby friend played in the fountain and her friend, an early walker, kept her mama on her toes by trying to lick all of the puddles in the courtyard. Fun times. Now, off to bed. Maybe sunshine will greet me in the morning!

Apple Crisp for sharing

Oh, the unparalleled enjoyment of sharing a meal with friends! We had friends over last night, all with babies about Cora's age in tow, to enjoy homemade pizza, salad, and dessert. The food was delicious, (we all contributed parts!) the conversation was easy and full of laughter, the babies had fun crawling all over, and visiting the dog crate again and again to loose the poor cooped up Freckles (the dog) who has 'pizza crust entitlement' issues, and scaring Gizmo (the cat) half to death with their advanced crawling and walking abilities. (He's used to Cora, who can't quite catch him!) It was quite easily the best dinner party I've ever attended!

We wrapped up with an apple crisp with vanilla ice-cream for dessert and then THEY WASHED MY DISHES! I Cannot tell you the glory of coming downstairs in the morning to a clean kitchen. I wanted to dance on the linoleum! And the Apple Crisp was so good, I had some for late breakfast! (see photo above) I'm quite sure it has less sugar and more fiber than your typical sugary cereal, so I didn't have even a pinch of guilt.

Now I have no idea where I found this recipe, but I must have had it before and liked it, since I scribbled it down onto an index card. I've tweaked it enough that I feel fairly safe in sharing it with you and not infringing on anyone's intellectual property. So here we go:

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Apple Crisp - for sharing

Preheat Oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit

- 10 cups peeled, cored and sliced apples. (the peeling is optional and we used a hodge podge of mostly apples from our local CSA and some store-bought Cameo apples, and Golden Delicious)

(apple mixture)
- 1 cup white sugar
- 1 Tbs all purpose flour
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- a pinch of nutmeg
- a sprinkle and a half of cloves
- 1/2 cup of water

(topping)
- 1 cup quick cook oats
- 1 cup flour
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/4 tsp baking powder
- 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 cup butter, melted

Instructions:
Place sliced apples in a 9x13 inch casserole pan. Mix together the 'apple mixture' excluding the water for now, and sprinkle over apples. Pour water evenly over the apples and apple mixture.

Combine the topping ingredients, (I recommend adding the brown sugar to the melted butter first and then stirring in the rest a bit at a time) and crumble evenly over top of the apples.

Bake for 45 minutes at 350F. Serve with vanilla ice-cream!

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As usual, I'm taking the weekend off from blogging. See you Monday!

Friends

I love how motherhood brings together the most unlikely of people and creates a common ground from which to build a friendship. These are from a wonderful walk yesterday with our friends, Kelly and Myles (Myles being Cora's age). (At Shelby Bottoms Park and Greenway - another great walking place which has a greenway ie, long walking paths (paved and unpaved), a nature center and currently, thanks to a ton of rain lately, more mosquitoes than I've EVER seen in my LIFE. Seriously. Avoid the bridge over the swamp on the short loop. We got swarmed!! ACK!)

Things to do in Nashville :: Beaman Park

{So I'm adding a new label called 'things to do in Nashville' so you can see and search all of our adventures here in the city and surrounding areas. Most of these activities will be kid friendly since it's usually me and the Doot (Cora).

By the way, I have been filling the role of primary diaper washer around here, mostly because it was me who decided to go cloth, not Matt. Since he didn't choose it, I felt bad in making him wash stinky diapers!}

***************

(hmmm. I envision playing in this creek next summer)

As I have mourned before (for good reason. A good friend is hard to find!), my sweet friend Beth is moving 4 hours away soon. To wrap up her time here in Nash-vegas she has been posting favorite things about this fair city on her blog, most recently a list of great hikes in and near Nashville. I called her up to see if she wanted to hit the trail again before they leave and of course she was game.

(Beth "scouting the trail", Eli showing off his leaf which he carried the entire way back from the nature center!)

With our babes strapped to our bodies in various carriers, we ventured off into the woods. This was the Creekside Trail in Beaman Park, a newer Nashville Park. It was a pretty easy hike, even with a baby on my back. We hiked to the nature center (open very limited hours) and back, soaking in all of the afternoon light, the early changing leaves, the good conversation...all in all a lovely afternoon outing.

(trying to get a smile out of my serious girl)

I should have gotten a Styrofoam head

I finished this hat for my beautiful friend Beth, who is moving away to colder climes and needed something to keep her head warm!

She showed it off in true Beth style and then our babies modeled it too. Sigh. It really did turn out well, and Beth really does have hair. I swear!

For a closeup of the yarn see the previous mentioned post. If she had posed like a model then it wouldn't really be a true reflection of who she is. Plus, these are great blackmail pictures! Ha! What a goof. I'm gonna miss my friend.

(Eichelbaby models the hat)

(then my miss priss does too)

p.s. Happy first day of September (a day late)!! I'm already headed into my second knitting project. I love these days of late summer.

Knots and Notes

When I was little, my mama would include tiny notes in things. They usually had a scripture and a little encouragement on them. Silly me, I didn't keep them. I read them and then threw them out. She stopped doing it after I left college because by then emails had taken the place of a letter from home, and now I only have two of them left. I wish I had saved my mother's letters to me in college and camp, but I was a child and what did I know about the things I would wish I had saved. There is something powerful about the written word. The hand-written word. It takes no time at all to dash off an email, but it takes a little time, effort, paper, pen, and stamp to send a note.

I've also been thinking about friendships. How they grow more important to me as the days slip by, never to come again. As a little girl, I made bracelets for friends and this week I dusted off my friendship bracelet skills. Here is the result of all of my knotting and making. A little bundle of notes and knots for friends.

Baby Shower...an explosion of pink

I'm very glad we found out what we were having. I love that I get to have girly clothes for my baby girl! Although I was forced to wear pink as a child (thanks Laura Ingalls Wilder!) my girl won't have to. She just can if she wants too.

I'm just gonna put the photos up. They speak for themselves. I do want to say that the best gift I got was, as I opened each present, the person giving told a funny story about me, or had a prayer or a wish for me, the Geek and our baby girl. It was the most encouraging time I have ever spent! I was nearly full to bursting with all of the love I heard from my dear friends yesterday. Thank you all! And now for photos:

Sweet, Sweet interwebs!

Oh how I've missed thee, interwebs. My nephew (a small clone of my big brother) is visiting for the next week (a total of 2 weeks) and we've been running around doing things fun for an 11 year old. The list so far:

Friday - his first plane trip ever! He loved it.
Saturday - worked at the ice-cream shop - the wee clone was my sample man and raked in the tips! (all of which I handed over to him)
Sunday - Sounds game - spent a zillion dollars on crappy hot dogs and icees, but it was fun and HOT. Sadly I got a little ill and we had to leave in the 5th inning. I have lost the ability to regulate my internal temperature lately and can't take the heat. It never used to bother me!
Monday - rode bikes to the Y and swam for several hours and then rode home. (with plenty of water breaks)
Tuesday - picked up the bug (all fixed!! Horray!) from the shop - by way of a 40 minute walk and a bus ride. After I shorted out the dash we nipped down to Autohaus to pick the brain of my friend BMWnerd who is a whiz with car electronics. Turns out I needed just a fuse!
Wednesday - went to the lake with Freckles!
Thursday - went dumpster diving for cardboard boxes and built a giant fot in the the wee clone's room!
Friday - lumped around and had a Harry Potter movie marathon. My friend Steph from way back came up to visit and spend the night.
Saturday - canoing in the Harpeth (yes, again - we like it)

New pregnancy symptom - check out the posting time for this blog. I wake up SO hungry and unable to sleep in the middle of the night. Hate it! I know I'll be so tired later (like when we are on the river) and there will be no chance for a nap! Sheesh. Wish I could sleep, but once I'm awake, I'm hot, figitey and the geek's snoring (albeit more gently than ever in the history of our marriage) keeps me awake and thinking about random stuff like home repairs. I'm sure I'll hear from all the experienced mom's "you just wait, it gets worse." Why tell me stuff like this? I don't like to be prepared for the worst! Let my cup stay half full and quit trying to drink it!

By the way, for those who are keeping up: I'm 15 weeks and the bean is about this size:

Beautiful Crowded Skies and Learning to be a friend

My friend and fellow musician put out her second of three books. This one is called “Crowded Skies – Letters to Manhattan.” (which you should read!!) The first one “Here’s to Hindsight – Letters to My Former Self,” (which you should read also! Not just cause I’m in it!) was a beautiful set of vignette type chapters about going where God was taking her and all her learning and adventures along the way. (in which she quoted one of my songs! v. exciting.) I am only a few chapters into the second one, but I have some things to say already.

I came to the part where she talked about moving from Nashville to NYC and all the signs she had pointing her direction. She wrote that when she packed up her stuff to move to the City nearly three years ago, she only had 2 friends show up to help. I was not one of those two friends. Although I have made amends for being a crappy friend and firmly planting my head up the bum of my spouse when we got married, and not only made amends, but have regained a friendship with her, I am sad that I was once in that category of people who didn’t make time for her when she came off the road. I had all the reasons in the world, but that doesn’t make it right.

At the time, I remember the frustration I felt when she did come in town, but only had an hour or two to spend with me and usually cancelled at the last minute for (this was the story in my head) someone cooler or more helpful to her career than me, after I had rearranged my day to meet her. After a few times of that, decided that I didn’t want to make time for her. Here’s the catch though: I never spoke that frustration to her. I never called her out on the times she hurt my feelings. I let it pass and eventually she moved away.

If community is something I want to practice, I have to be willing to say the hard things. By not speaking up and not wanting to make her angry or hurt, I lost a friend, (at least until I got off my butt and earned her friendship back) and have done this time and again in years past. I assume, write a script in my head for what’s really going on between us and if it gets too hard, I give up. I’ll just call a spade a spade here and say that I’ve never been very good at being a friend. I either smother them with my neediness, feel slightly (subconsciously) superior and thus ignore them, or bend over backwards to “do” and “make time” and then feel used when they don’t give back in the same way. Not really room for connecting intimately (by that, I mean being seen, heard and know and seeing, hearing and knowing the other person) is there?

So either I sit firmly in the role of victim of the universe and am alone, or I speak up, say what I need, show my weaknesses and have real friends. I’m learning to do the second one. I suck at it too! I’m afraid of hurting people and of being hurt, so I often retreat to my corner, write angst-y songs about it all and then eventually creep out to try again. For those of you who are standing by me in this process, thank you. I’m getting better and that’s all I can do.

BTW, just a little FYI: I also wrote the song called Search Me which became Track #8, after we rewrote it a little to made it fit her, for the album that goes with the first book. It's called Here's to Hindsight and is available on her website, here.

Aaargg!! The Pressure of being tagged!!!

I don’t know seven other bloggers to tag, but I’ll do my best here.

1. I’m a former Opera singer. I’ll say, not in a prideful way, that I frickin’ rocked! I have a recording to prove it!
2. I have an unnatural (and yet not so unexplainable) fear of sharks. Even pictures of sharks make my blood pressure go up. I tried looking at pictures of them to get over it, but I just ended up freaking myself out.
3. I am secretly girly. (twirly skirts were big with me when I was a kid. Still kind of are)
4. I envy the fact that men can grow beards and completely change the way they look! I don’t actually WANT facial hair, but I’d like to mix it up now and then in the look department. A haircut only goes so far and I’m not willing to become blonde. On this subject, why is it that men get “distinguished” as they age and women turn into saggy old bean bags? I have a beef with the designer about that.
5. I dream in IMAX. If I could hook up a machine to my head and record my dreams, I would be the richest script writer ever! This being said, I never watch scary movies because they would come out as VERY scary and REAL dreams. I remember once dreaming something sad and then walking around half the day all depressed until I remembered that it was something I had dreamed and not reality.
6. I almost drowned while white water rafting the Ura Bamba river in the Andes Mountains of Peru.
7. I’m destined to become the family historian. Mostly because I take the pictures and do the genealogy research. It’s a hobby of mine. I have lots of hobbies. Knitting, sewing, being a rock star, baking, photography, bike riding, blogging…it’s endless, really.

Hockey Chicks!

My good friend in the hood, CN, invited me to go to the Women’s Hockey League Open House. Here’s the fun, brought to you in color! It was actually really amusing to learn that I’m not too bad on skates and realized that I really miss playing team sports. It’s too cold for outdoor soccer and I don’t like indoor (I value my limbs), can’t swim right now due to too much swimming and resulting Bursitis in my right shoulder joint (I hate being old), so I need a sport. Perhaps when I have a little extra allowance for skates. They said I could get gear for pretty cheap although used hockey gear may have to live in the basement! Yick! More pics on flickr.

My very own lols

I've been making our pet pictures into lols (why not...I got time!). If you don't understand, click here or here. But there also is this HI-LARRY-US site called lolgeeks, and since I have one of my very own of those, I am making lolgeeks wif the husband photos.
Here's one:

foodz
Originally uploaded by Ariana in Nashville

This one is a lolgeek waiting to happen. I can't pass it up! It's too good. But it needs some pidgin added and I am stymied...any suggestions?

Da Boys
Originally uploaded by Ariana in Nashville

Dr. Wife says take 4 ibupropins and ICE IT

This weekend Matt tried very hard to get to Ohio to play air-soft with his team (the Gun Devils) and after a huge downpour, a busted radiator, and $700 dollars later, he got on the way. A great time was had by all, much manly grunting and tromping around the woods in Camo, shooting at people. Matt sprained his ankle (again, the same one he sprained not a month ago at another of these events) and spent the last day soaking up the cool summer weather (compared to here! 96 and 95% humidity-yuck) and getting sunburned. I got to play nurse when he got home, poor dear. Freckles and I had a quiet weekend and spent Saturday at the Tomato Art Festival with our friends Paul and Christy Nicholson. Christy has a great little shop online and she sold her crochet wares, t-shirts, and cool buttons with tomatoes on them at a booth at the Tomato Art Fest Bazaar.
I also have a little shop online too. I made designs that I think all my grubby hippie friends and family would like. Just for fun. Besides that, I've been playing here and there and working as the Nanny on the Go. I am spending today with a pile of kidos who are feeling a bit sicky and Matt is at home following Dr. Wife's instructions on how to care for a sprained ankle.

It's HOT and I'm tired and...humph

Hello fellow peoples. Not much to report from muggy, hot Nashville. The family is great, both Matt and mine too. Freckles is the cuteness. I swear! We are having fun hanging out with a few other couples that are really becoming our circle of friends. Who'da thought!! And that circle is adding babies to the mix, although we are not participating in that yet. If has come up a couple of times, but I (Ariana) am not ready for my body to not be my own any more. Plus I would like to take a couple of trips before we jump in the middle of that. That would be really nice. Greece, Hawaii. Just good ol' together trips, all romantic-y and stuff. But I guess I need to give the timing of all that over to someone bigger than me. Who knows what He has in mind. For some reason babysitting has dried up this month. I don't know if it's the summer or what! Not that we will starve or anything, but it has been a little stressful. Keep us in your prayers as we learn more and more about being good stewards of our moola.