Sunday Morning walk in the woods

I woke to little voices talking to each other.  Cora didn't wake me this morning, she just came into our room to read and talk to Judah, who was awake in his little bed beside me.  This morning I wasn't greeted with 'It's Suntime, Mama!'  And I missed it, a little.

So we drove, just my girl and I, almost running out of gas and praying to Jesus to get us to the gas station...car dying just as I coasted up to the pump.  Through the curving roads of morning green and hills and rocky cliffs to the hidden park...not the playing kind, but the walking kind, I tell my little, who is confused by no jungle gym in sight.  With a sweet friend and her small girl, we walked.  My old dog Freckles exploring the trail ahead of us and taking it all in.  We didn't get very far down the path.  The sparkling light of the morning sun on the creek called to us and we headed down the bank.  Crawdads and minnows and snails and leaves and an odd rock with a hole through it, like a seeing stone to view the wood fairies.  Cora was all in.  Splashing turned to wading and eventually sitting...occasionally slipping, but mostly on purpose, in spite of sneakers and all her clothes on.  I'm glad for the warm(ish) sun on our shoulders...stacking rocks, slipping, splashing, and squealing and snippets of good conversation with an old friend...mixed in with rescuing my little from deeper pools and pointing out the crawdads.  Relishing the sweetness of her baby girl with wild curls on her beautiful head...who watched me with wide eyes as I sang-called the dog back to us.

Back to the trailhead, strip the wet clothes off...lucky I had a random towel in the car!  Dry in the sun and eat some grapes.  Help the old dog, whose legs are failing her and the half dressed girl (I only had dry shorts and undies for her to put on) back in the car and drive through the green again.  The winding beauty of the country roads and small crossroad towns.  Home again, home again.  Laughing with my girl.  My brave little "Shield Maiden of Rohan" who never met an outdoor adventure she didn't love.  My little girl, soaked and loving it.  She is All In.  And so am I.

[This Moment]

SouleMama does a great weekly post called This Moment.  No words, just a beautiful image or memory captured.  This is mine.

Pause. Breathe. Unpause. Run!

Baby toes and broken washing machines. 
Sweet story time with 'little miss questions' and piles of languishing dirty cloth diapers (which I am unable to wash!)
Sweet little scooching across the room with arms and one foot on his way to mama and dog hair coating the front of his jammies.
A little girl's bright eyed joy at being able to wear her new (pink!) fall dress and a trip to the home supply store to drop $500+...(ack!) on a new washing machine. 
A new washing machine(!) that we are blessed to be able to afford...(Yay!) and piles of clothes to wash
A warm, safe home to live in and a list of repairs that I never get to.
Two wonderful babies who I spend my days loving on rather than fixing the house.

Eventually I run out of the things that I tend to focus on rather than the gifts of today and I am left with piles and piles of beauty and blessings and kisses and questions and stories and a baby who has learned to hug mama and crawl and eat bananas (so amusing to watch) and 'boing'  and give kisses, and take in life with wide eyes and a beautiful little girl who I just can't get enough of with her curiosity and her little matter o' fact statements and her bookwormness and flitting around the house on a mission to create or dream or invent or dance.  I want to drink in the things I am learning about them, who they are becoming and hold it still in my memory so I won't for get it.  (and find the time to write it in their books, because I know I will) The wind in the leaves on this cool gray September day.  Teaching my little one to find the joy in everything we do, even when it's something we don't want to do.  Reminding myself to do the same. 

Today is a gift for which I am so grateful.  Now I gotta run fish a clump paper out of the baby's mouth!

Summer Girl in her Fancy Dress

Oh how my girl loves to dress up and be fancy. It's somehow engrained in her being. And there is nothing sweeter than a fancy little girl, barefoot in the grass.

Meager harvests but still so sweet!

I seem to be unable to grow anything but tomatoes and sadly misshapen and small cantaloupes.  Even my pepper plant (which was finally going gangbusters) got rained into the ground last week during a little cold snap and several days worth of rain.  We shall see if part of it recovers,  I am less than hopeful. 

But I can grow tomatoes!  Here's a small harvest from August.  We hardly gave the plants a chance to catch up every day, before we were out there checking for little red ripe ones hiding in the leaves.  And the best part of all, my little helper, Cora, loves to garden with me! (read eat tons of tomatoes)

Beautiful baby boy! (8 months old)

Judah is 8 months today!  And while these photos are from last month (I haven't done his 8 month photos yet), I can't resist showing them to you.  The blue eyes! The cheeks! The giggles! The chubby little thighs!  I am so in love with this little guy.  Get ready.  It's a feast of sweet baby.  I can hardly resist eating him up!

Happy 8 months, little guy. Our love for you is expanding like the universe with no end in sight!

Covenant Child (number 2)

On August 7th, our small boy was baptized at our church.  People have lots of opinions on this and while we don't believe this is a sign of his salvation, we do believe that we, his parents, and the church make a covenant (with water) to point this little guy to Christ.  It was a sweet time with family and a small group of friends to celebrate.  Then later, at the service, we got to celebrate our covenant child, Judah with our family of believers.  (complete with gown that I made for him, in spite of Geek protests.  Sorry honey!  It's traditional, not girly.  I swear!) We love you, little guy!

By the way, these photos DID NOT happen on August 7th, but about a week later, after I had washed the sweet potato spit up out of his gown. Just so you don't go round thinkin' I'm on top of things.

"When You Find Yourself in the Thick of It...

Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you, silly girl."
~ Martha My Dear - by Paul McCartney credited to Lennon/McCartney

Words to live by in the crazy days of motherhood where I often find that all I can do is sit down in the middle of the floor and laugh.  Hold my sweet chubby little man up over my head and dodge the drool that comes flying out when he smiles.  Watch his two little teeth creep up his gum line, ready to pop out and my tiny baby boy becomes my big baby boy.  Crawl all over the floor with my girl in order to "teach" my wee son to crawl.  Laugh and giggle with my girl who thinks this is a very fun game and play a round of wrestling with the dog who thinks so too. 

To spend the morning baby naptimes in the window seat with my girl, stacks of library books, and the bright morning sunlight that every day grows more golden with the approach of Autumn.  To have big conversations about little things with little people who are trying so hard to put all the pieces of a complicated world into a picture that works for them.  To teach my little one to nap in the Ergo, so we aren't stuck home every morning for his marathon nap.  To each cherry tomatoes from the branches and wonder at my complete inability to cultivate anything but tomatoes and very misshapen and small cantaloupe. To write lists of things that may or may not ever get done.  To enjoy watching two little bugs take their evening bath and laugh and laugh at each other for reasons Mama is not privy to.  For breakfast together as a family, every morning.  Even if I have to cook it every morning.  For snuggles with my littles every night, while my wee man does his darndest to eat the pages of every book and my wee girl does her darndest to rescue said books from certain disaster.  For sweet little sleepy eye rubs and little yawns to tell me the day is done.  And an hour and a half with my love on the couch, watching a campy Jackie Chan movie. 

Yes, I will help myself to a bit of what is all around me.  Sweet family and choosing the gifts of today rather than living in all of the drama, mess, flooding, and craziness that has been going on this last week. 

My Man is a Motorcycle Man

So my sweet geek is looking less geeky these days.  Instead of a second car, I mentioned maybe he could get a motorcycle.  You should have seen his eyes get wide!  It was pretty cute.  Long story short, (which involved an older bike that couldn't be repaired and an intense learn to ride class) he chose this bike (and was officially certified to ride it!).  A Honda Shadow.

But I gotta tell you this.  I (plus kiddos) took him to pick it up for the first time and my man, who I already think is pretty handsome, climbed on that machine and the very first thought that went through my head was "That's pretty sexy."  Who knew?  I mean, I had seen motorcycle guys before and was never very impressed.  But something about my own sweet hubs on one...hot.  Now he rides it to work every day and I love to watch him pull out of the driveway, a man and his machine riding down our quiet street.

There is a good reason for this, and here it is.  I'm not gonna lie to you, my man is not the outdoorsy, rugged, camping type.  His idea of camping involves a cabin and showers.  I've always hoped his outdoorsy side would develop, but after seven years, chances are looking slim.  I mean, he has a rugged and manly beard, and if he has to, can build a great campfire, but it's not something he loves.  But this, riding a motorcycle, is the most outdoorsy he has ever been.  He comes home smelling like the road, and sweat, and a bit like gasoline.  It's kinda rugged. I like it.  And he loves it.  I'd say that's pretty awesome arrangement!

Creating or Re-creating?

I know I promised motorcycle photos, but I've been lost in thought this week.  I've been taking in a lot of information lately, not all of it good, not all of it bad, but lots of it making me think.  I've come to realize that a lot of what I do creatively is re-creating.  The little elephant below - someone else's design.  The things I knit - patterns I've seen and want to make.  Songs I sing lately - not written by me.  Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not discounting them as useless.  It takes skill, desire, and practice to be able to re-create.  But does it really take imagination?  That is what I've been pondering over.  I don't want to spend all my artistic energy doing my own spin on someone else's brain child. 

So what is the difference between inspiration and copying?  For example, I am fascinated by Nikki McClure's art turned into children's books.  Specifically "Mama, is it summer yet?"  So do I sit down to see if I can do a paper cut in her style?  Yes.  That can be creative.  But not copying her images and doing it as she would have done.  That's re-creating. 

So why is it different when I do a little elephant?  Or embroider a pattern?  How can I find the impetus to create and not fall into the trap of just re-creating.  That is my journey this week.  I'll be pondering it over  and I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you avoid the potholes of just re-creating, rather than using things around you as a springboard for your own creative process.  Please leave your thoughts in a comment!

Lazy Afternoons and Flying Babies

It's hot.  I'm sure it's not hotter than other summers, but it's August and going outside (from my nice and cool 75 F house) feels like hitting a wall of hot air.  Add to that, we have been without a second car and therefore stuck at the house with our only form of transportation being my feet and a double stroller, and it adds up to lazy afternoons at the house.  Reading, lounging, playing, and building.  We've been putting to use our new discount store quilt (and matching shams - oo la la...we've been reading Fancy Nancy a lot.  Can you tell?) to good use and the children have fun while I fold laundry or some other low intensity form of cleaning that doesn't require too much of my attention.  I love these sweet babies.

And for good measure, here's a flying baby. J LOVES to do this!  Happy Friday!  See you on Monday. 
(Teaser...Matt got a motorcycle...)

The stream of creativity takes a turn - watecolor and ink

Necessity is the mother of invention, or as I have found, creativity.  Specifically in terms of making things.  Today I took the jump and tried my hand at watercolor and ink.  I had a baby shower to go to and needed a gift.  Something sweet, handmade, and gender neutral.  I had found this lovely embroidery pattern at So September while searching for embroidery pattern freebies and thought how sweet that would look in a nursery.  I didn't have time to embroider it, so I painted it, coping the picture freehand onto watercolor paper, then painting it and finally finishing it with ink.  You can see in the corner of some of these pictures, I used a nib pen and ink, which is one of my favorite ways to draw.   I think it turned out rather nice!  I think I might explore this medium a bit more.

I once heard an artist who made a living by his painting say that he had only one stream of creativity and when he delved into other forms of art (he was trying his hand at jewelry making) then his art suffered.  I have rather feared to delve too deeply into other mediums of creating, lest my music suffer, but if I think about it clearly, my music is already suffering.  Naptime does not afford me brain space enough to write a new song. I can play the old ones, but new ones rarely come.  It takes a clarity of mind for me; one that the dirty diaper pail, the laundry, the smudgy floor, and piles of dishes there at the edges of my thoughts, nagging me about what a poor housekeeper I am, often prevent me from achieving.  But this is just a season.  This is the season of glorious chubby babies and beautifully curious toddlers.  This is the season of a messy house.  This is the season of mini projects. This is the season of diverting the stream a little and enjoying what new paths it carves out.

Midnight musician

Sometimes, you just gotta wait til everyone goes to bed, pull out the guitar, ignore the schmutz on the carpet that you haven't vacuumed yet and pretend, for just 15 minutes, that you still are a musician, singing and rocking out the acoustic love. And then you write a song about your sweet babies and get all teary eyed and have to stop. Sheesh.

Girly Girls

When Judah takes his morning nap (if that happens - nap wars have begun), then Cora and I take a little time for just us.  A craft project, a picnic, a tea party, a long story (her attention span amazes me!), or just a little girly girl time.  This girl loves to be fancy and while I spend a lot of time reminding her that she is beautiful even if she is not wearing pink (tears, I tell ya, over having to wear a t-shirt and shorts, not a pink dress), I love to indulge her love of fancy ever so often. 

And now Matt and I are hard at work at reminding her that beauty is not something that she wears or how she looks, but something that comes from inside her heart.

Pin tucks, Pleats, and French Seams...

Cause I just need that much more crazy in my life, right?  Judah is fast approaching his baptism.  And though I've made a gown before (for Cora) 1. It is very feminine and 2.  he is a chunk and won't fit in it.  Cora can still wear it (unbuttoned but at 2.5 yrs old!), but my 6 month old baby boy won't fit in it.  So he gets a new one.  And I'm up sewing in dim dining room light until midnight.  I bought a Simplicity pattern and I never remember that I don't like Simplicity!  I like the look of the outfit on the outside, but the inside is all unsightly, unfinished edges and raw seams.  So I add another layer of bodice so I can tuck the skirt in with a little hand stitching (insanity.  I know) and I do french seams on the skirt, so it's nice and tidy.  French seams, for those of you who don't know are when you sew the pieces together (wrong sides facing each other) with the seams on the outside, then you turn it wrong side out (right sides facing each other) and sew the seams again, to tuck them in.  It hides all the raw edges and keeps delicate material from unraveling.  Useful! 

This gown has a lot of pin tucking in it and I am not great at it.  There have been some grumbles and ripping out of seams to get them straight, even with ironing!  Long lines of pin tucks.  Arg!  But I know I will love the end result, so I'll shut up and sew.  Now I know why mothers made one unisex gown for the first baby and every other baby wore the same one.  Because finding time to sew with a 6 month old and a 2 year old who wants nothing more than to "help" me (i.e. play with the pins, crinkle pattern pieces, try pattern pieces on baby brother, and run around with fabric scraps on her head and around her neck because the are "So pretty!"), it's hard to get much done until "dark time" (as it is called around here).  "Sun time" is for mama to mind the kiddos!

6 months of pure joy

Judah celebrated his 1/2 birthday with little fanfare.  A home video.  Some photos.  Hanging out at the house together.  No presents.  He is, after all, only 6 months old.  But I just can't tell you how much I love this boy!  I loved Cora from the day we found out we were pregnant, but when we lost a baby in between Cora and Judah, I was afraid to feel so deeply about him. I was terrified to lose him.  I oscillated between love and fear.  I did love him, but I didn't want to fill his journal up with thoughts of love for him, just to set it aside empty of any further words, with emptiness inside my heart.  It's a good thing God knows what we need.

 

Here he is, hollaring. He has lots to say.

He sent me the most stubborn, most joyful, "eating life" kind of baby imaginable and I am consumed with love for him.  He wakes with a smile for me, and then it's on to business with what we have come to call "the hungry hands".  He puts them in front of him and rubs them together.  Imagine a greedy miser at the sight of money.  That's it.  He used to do this little grunting noise as well, but he's given that up in favor of all out wailing if he doesn't get milk in. his. mouth. within seconds.  I took him in for his 6 month appointment on July 13th.  He's 18lb 5oz and in the 75th percentile for everything.  I tell ya.  He eats life!  (and everything else, apparently)

As for stubborn, it's not something that bothers me, but I can tell he will be strong willed.  Let's call it determination, shall we?  There is no distracting this child from something.  If he wants it, he WILL get it. Or at least try with every chubby ounce until Mama physically moves him or the thing away and out of site.  Then there is sadness.  Oh the sadness.  But it's sadness that quickly turns to joy (unless he's hungry) when I make silly noises or blow raspberries, a skill that I heard him practicing to himself for days until he got it and then he blew his little raspberries at me and anyone else who would give him a giggle.

He has learned to sit up by himself and give him another week and he just might learn to crawl.  Oh, heaven forbid!  We love, love, love him and I love the tender Mama moments I get with this wee chunk of a boy.  He is my little snuggler and I am soaking it all in.  One delicious day at a time.  Happy half birthday, wee man.

Tea for two and two for Tea

My sweet girl and I grab moments where we may.  It may just be 10 minutes out on the porch in the sun having tea with mama's real teapot (from England - thanks Tally!) and her Ikea teacups, but these little bits are precious.  She loves Judah, but the sting of lost Mama time is still there.  I see it when she's tired and wants me to 'get her' (carry her).  So we enjoy our blueberries and raspberry tea ('cause it's pink!) on a heart tablecloth in the sunshine while we may.  She is still, after all, my girl.

Tomorrow, belated (his 1/2 birthday was on the 12th) photos of my 6 month old, in all of his chubby, pink glory.

Through my daughter's eyes

I had a bit of an epiphany today.  Cora and I were watching a music video where the girl singing was all dressed up and looking beautiful, (Katy Perry - Firework.  I had been searching for fireworks photos for her) when she turned to me and said,"That's Mama singing!"
"It is?" I asked.
"Yes.  It's Mama singing," she answered adamantly.

Now let me just say, when I look in the mirror, I do not now, nor have I ever seen anything that resembles Katy Perry.  She is young and beautiful and I've never thought very much of the way I look.  But I realized as I put my little girl to bed, that in her eyes, I am beautiful and a great singer.  (And, apparently have a music video.)  I'm not gonna hem and haw about it, I know I can sing, but comparing me and a rock star?  Not even on my radar. 

Not so, to my little one.  In her eyes, I am that rock star.  It is inspiring.  It is beautiful.  I have a lot to live up to.  Apparently, I'm a firework.  And we all know how she feels about those.

Happy 4th of July!

After last year's "sparkly stars", we were determined to take Cora (and by default, Judah) to the fireworks for Independence Day.  So we packed up the kiddos, and dinner, and blankets and spent the day outside, enjoying friends and a wonderful cookout.  Then when the sun went down, we were treated to some beautiful fireworks and one of the sweetest scenes, as a mother, I've ever seen.  I took a video of Cora, in her Papa's lap, which is such a safe place, of when the first fireworks started to go, but it is far too big to upload here.  At the first one, her mouth dropped open and her hand came up to her mouth in absolute surprise.   I think she liked it.  (Judah did too!) The she and her Papa went to get a better view.  (and to unknowingly give me one of my favorite photos of them.  Ever.)  

So Happy Independence Day folks, and I just gotta say, I am so grateful to be living in this country!