Wimpathon...2008

I am steadily becoming the wimpiest version of myself. I've always been the 'Can-do' girl. I've moved furniture, done construction, hiked, biked, canoed, swam, cooked, cleaned, plumbed, invented, and watched other people's kids while doing all of that!

Now I am finding at a mere 16 weeks along, I am a weenie. I kind of ignored that rule about not lifting more than 20 lbs while pregnant, a lot, and it's finally catching up with me. There's a reason they tell you not to, but I am a know it all and figured, "I'm tough, I can do this occasionally." Like carrying an 85 lb canoe with one other person this past weekend. The result...painful cramps where there should NOT be cramps, just a baby, having to go to bed while we had company over and letting the guests and the geek shift for themselves on Father's Day, trouble sleeping, swollen fingers, feet and knees (I'm sure other places, but these where the ones I noticed) and lots of other little worrisome pains here and there internally. The trouble with me is, I used to be able to work like a horse and when I was done, sleep and feel refreshed. Any aches and pains were canceled out with a few handy ibuprofen. Now, I find my self wiped out before I even begin to do anything! Then if I press on, I'm over-doing it. I can't seem to find this balance!

The geek is not used to the changes either. He's always counted on me as a strong partner in any undertaking and now he's getting the brunt of the heavy lifting, so to speak. It's a bit of a strain on him though he takes it with more grace than I'd be able to muster. His first Father's Day and I'm in the bed! It sucked, but he was kind and caring and I am grateful. I never understood how people could get divorced while the wife was pregnant, but now I'm beginning to understand. Without grace, understanding and a willingness to put up with my (closely spaced) bouts of insanity and emotional breakdowns on the part of my sweet geek, we'd be through! I'm hard to live with. I can see that very clearly. I hope to find a more balanced place and learn to let go and trust.

We had an great example of that on the river the other day. I was tired before we even put the canoe in the water and due to some previous mishaps on that river with another friend, not trusting of the Geek's ability to steer us through the rougher parts to safety. Any of you who have paddled down a river will know that you can't steer from the front of the boat, but I was trying! Or at least trying to boss the Geek at the rudder. He finally pulled over and we had a mini 'discussion' about who was in charge of the boat and would I let him be the biggest and the strongest and trust him? It ended amicably and I realized I was not even upset about how we were going down the river, I was fearful about being out of control, worried that I was already too tired to be able to go down the river, and upset that I'd had to hike back to the car to get the forgotten life jackets and paddles. When I said all that and admitted where I was weak, it was easy to let him be the boss of the boat. I ended up having a great time and letting my nephew paddle in the front while I relaxed in the middle like the queen on Sheba on the Nile! It was great to see what a great man that the geek could be when I get out of the way, and let him wear the pants (or steer the boat). The geek always has this joke that he wears the pants, I just tell him which ones. Like the woman in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" who says "The man is the Head (of the family), but the woman is the neck and she turns the man whichever way she wants" If I'm the neck, then who is my husband following? Not God. And I don't think I'm a reliable source to follow. So in my wimpiness, I'm asking God to teach me to let go and let my hubby follow the One who has a WAY better plan.