4

Zero

My dearest little girl,

You turn 4 today.  I can't think how that happened.  The days have run swiftly by and that tiny girl we brought home is so big.  Four going on fourteen or forty-five, depending on the day and the color of your attitude.  My old soul.  You ponder the deep questions as we snuggle in the big recliner in the half hour before the boys wake up.  Life, death, God, a hope for a sister, how things work, and what is your place in the world.  Those big blue soulful eyes peer up at me and you offers your endless stream of why and where and how, your silly jokes (How does a pig sneeze?  "Oink-choo!"), your fierce independence, your gentle heart.

 One

I love to watch who you are, even if I see too much of myself in you and it scares me.  No mama wants their girl to hurt, but I cannot save you from everything that will come your way.  You want to do so much and be so big, but the scary shadows move on your walls and still you come to our bed to seek comfort.  You are, at once, so big and still so small.  I forget that and expect you to be bigger than you are, and your reminds me, sometimes loudly, that you still needs your mama.

Two

A seeker of accompanied solitude (I'm in the room, but we work on our own things), a doer of small things, a lover of the lovely, you live to make and dream and play and pretend.  I watched you play with your new paper dolls for 2 hours the other day and you never broke concentration, never asked for help, never decided that this wasn't interesting enough for you.  I see you grow in kindness and friendship with your brother, even though some days you boss the life out of him.  I hear your heart's yearning for a sister, although I can tell you from experience, she won't let you boss her around either.

Three

You run and play and dance your heart out and then are quiet and still.  The beauty of your heart shines through you and my love for you gets bigger every day.   We have our struggles and we may butt heads often, but you will always be the most amazing little girl I have ever known. 

Four

Thank you for just being you.  Happy Birthday, my girl.

Love,
 Your mama