Thursday, April 11, 2013

Nearly there

Easter 2013

The days are full of busy and ignoring the aches and pains of 37 weeks pregnant while guiding small people toward kindness and sharing and helping and not making mama pull her hair out.  The nights are tossed and turned and tangled sheets and trips to the bathroom and too hot for snuggles, shooing visiting children back to their own beds at 9 and 10 and 11pm and 12 and 2 and 4 am.  The light sleeping oldest girl hears me stir and comes to beg for a snuggle.  Or to sleep on my floor, or in the big blue chair.  I nearly stepped on her last night, wrapped in a discarded comforter and at the foot of our bed.

Each night wondering if this is the night.  Timing pre-labor contractions to see if they are getting closer or just for practice.  Washing things.  Sorting things.  Packing a bag.  Making sure we are stocked up on things the family will need while I am gone.  Praying for short labor.  Please, let it be shorter this time.  Under 24 hrs.  For the love.

Pondering names.  Reveling in my last days with the soon to be usurped baby of the family.  Each little word and wiggle and sleepy smile seems sweeter.  Every time he throws that chubby arm around my neck or wants to 'rock rock rock' in the big blue chair before nap, even though my lap has no room left for him.  Dancing himself dizzy while playing the flute and then taking a moment to shake his backside to the same song.  Pondering things with concerted effort, furrowed brow, and chubby cheeks, stacking and lining things up all over the house, even on his dinner plate.  He has no idea what is coming.

Cora is more prepared for what is about to happen.  She remembers..  She has gotten over the disappointment of no sister to come and sweetly talks to my belly so he will remember her voice.  Her newfound freedoms with mama so tired have led to more trouble (self haircut!), but I try to remember she is only 4 and that is not so big, in spite of her attempts to resemble a teenager in attitude.  Her dear (and precocious) questions about this baby and how (exactly?!) he will make his entrance into the world and won't it hurt?.  Her sweet worries about me being gone and will I be OK.  Every day asking if it is today and I tell her I don't know.

We have surrendered to the quiet of not going anywhere, no long errands, few playdates, getting ready.  Closing in as a family so we can care for each other and get ready.  We are nearly there. 

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