I've been hiding out in my bed, grieving, hurting, and trying to forget, in turns. In all of this, as we mourn the loss of this pregnancy and the hopes we had for our baby, I am overwhelmed by little bits of Grace throughout my days.
The moms from my MOMS Club and friends from church who have come and brought me food, done my dishes (several times!!), taken my baby girl to play with their children, offered help and support in more ways than I knew I needed.
The sweet relationship between Matt and Cora that bloomed more full and beautiful through long days spent in each others company. Twelve hour days alone with a toddler can be difficult, but I've had 16 months to work up to it! Matt jumped into full time care for her and is doing a fabulous job. I could hardly stand to stay upstairs in bed listening to the giggles and fun that echoed up the stairway.
The deepening of friendships that this has meant. It's as though only those who have passed through this sorrow can understand those who have passed through it before. Understanding these women on a more profound level.
Matt and I drawing together in our grief, rather than falling apart.
My sweet girl more precious in my heart than ever before.
Thank you all so much for your prayers, thoughts, wisdom, dinners, childcare, and love. I'll be back in a little while.
2 comments:
I'm so glad you posted...I was wondering how you were doing. I completely understand the echoes of laughter hurting. After the twins died, my sil breastfed her girl in front of me, just weeks after I lost them and my boobs physically hurt watching her able to feed her baby. I never knew such a thing could happen. It took almost an entire year before a true smile and happiness came across my face.
I'm so glad Matt is taking over with Cora. I can't imagine dealing with your loss and having to care for a girl who has no idea what is going on. You will survive and eventually live again. Just take it one day at a time. It's a battle that goes up, part way back down, a little higher up and then back down. Eventually you do get to the top again.
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. My heart is hurting for your and you and your sweet family are in my prayers. May God be with you and heal your heart.
Mindi :)
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