Friday, July 31, 2009

Wave a white flag

I don't know about you, but the Geek and I were fast on the heels of 30 when we finally got hitched. That means we spent a lot of years doing it our own way without the input of the other. It makes for rough times among opinionated pairs, let me tell ya. Our arguments were ones to wake the neighbors for a long time, but one, I remember from a few years ago, was particularly loud and long. By midway, I didn't want to even be arguing any more, but momentum can take me a long way. (So can the need to be right)

In the other room, I still was angry, but tired. I'm not one of those folks whose temper stays up for long. I flare, then it's over. Sometimes were multiple flares, since I didn't used to deal with what is at the heart of it too often (I'm getting better at getting to the root of things now). The Geek is different and in our early marriage was known to stay mad at me for days, sometimes weeks! (He is much improved too, now it's less than an hour, unless I've been really, really rotten, then it's a couple of hours before we can come back together and talk)

So the flare was over, but the hurt still there. Yet my heart longed to be reconciled with my husband. It always does. I didn't want to fight any more. I took a white dust rag, tied it to a stick, and poked that stick around the corner into his office, waving it around. I heard him laugh and knew it was safe to come in and talk things through, or at least say we could talk then through in a bit, without the angry words still hanging in the air.

I've thought about getting rid of that truce flag, since we have enough clutter in our house without one more thing, but I keep it. It reminds me to give up. To give up my right to be right, to give up my right to punish my husband for wrongs I think he may have committed against me, to give up my right to hurt him with my words and MAKE him see my point of view. It also reminds me to surrender. To surrender my marriage, my temper, my opinions, my fears, my hurt, and my neurosis over to the only One who can do anything about them.


The Velvet Trunk said...

Genius! Thinking I'll have one for every room in the house when I get married! Or maybe I should just have it tied to my belt so it drags along behind me and I can "surrender" on the spot! ;-)

Jaime said...

I'm not sure why, but that made me get teary eyed. You put it perfectly. Marriage is such a learning experience, but there's no one I'd rather learn with than the one I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

Maybe I'm a little weepy because he's still out of town... :-)

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