I usually post the good and happy things here, but I am really struggling with life right now. Everything seems huge and nothing is in it's place. I am so frustrated by my lack of ability right now and the Geek is overwhelmed by all the things that need to get done that I've spent the last 4 and a half years of our marriage doing. Just daily things, not huge ones, but left alone, they become huge. Pet care, dishes, laundry, straightening, nursery to finish, broken couch (crappy rooms to go!!), piles of tree limbs in the yard, ever tightening budget. I am lucky I have hair left! And I can't fix any of it. I do half of the dishes and I need a nap!
People who have had children must be of a different breed than me, because I feel about a hair away from a nervous breakdown. I feel like curling up, crying, and saying, "I want my Mama!" In fact, I think I did that this morning for awhile. Stress and this body have never been a good combo and I ended up in the hospital again last night with strong, regular contractions. They filled me full of water (because crying a lot makes one dehydrated apparently), told me to go home and rest. HA! If they only knew my life right now. I have no faith for the moment, much less the day. Could you have some for me?
3 comments:
Prepare for a response that may sound overly trite.....
YOU are going to be OK. Really. I know this not from a wealth of experience mind you but from the many girlfriends around me who have recently gone through pregnancies and briefly (for 9 or so months) lost their minds. Their minds came back and so did their energy. Remember that when you are sleeping your body is mountain climbing. Mountain Climbing. So already you are kicking the rest of our tails and you don't even know it.
I am so proud of you for many thing- for not throwing yourself in front of any moving vehicles when you were so tired you couldn't think straight. For not cursing friends (like me) who have been too crazy with work to really be there for you like they should have. For being so honest and transparent rather than just saying "To Hell with it all" and locking yourself in a closet.
I love you girl. Very much. And You will soon be outrunning us all with feedings and diaper changes and Lord knows what else!
I hope you got my email but just keep in mind....just a few more weeks and then those hormones won't be kickin in high gear. Ask Toby...I was CRAZY last time I was pregnant. Seriously....I yelled at him for no reason and bawled like a baby from stress...
oh my friend...i am so sorry you have had a hard time. WOW the hospital with contractions??? i know life seems overwhelming now....it often does for me too.....( you are not alone) Dishes and chores can wait......but this little one that grows in your belly will be there only a short while longer...i pray for peace and freedom in your heart to rest with her. I pray GOD gives Matt extra strength to bear a little more load than usual....
i pray that you can rest and GOD will do the battle for you...the everyday mind, physical, and spiritual battles.....
you are a strong woman....
you are gonna be a wonderful mama....
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