Friday, September 12, 2008


Here is my goal for the day (and yes, it's another early one thanks to snoring I can hear downstairs!). I want to listen to people and not try to interpret, not try to figure out the underlying meaning, and not try to judge their intentions. I am very tired of being misunderstood lately and since I can't change the people around me, I'll just work on myself.

I call this method of listening and interacting with people 'taking off my filters.' If I were to photograph something with a red filter or a fish eye lens it would distort the true picture, robbing it of its colors or blurring and stretching the edges. While this is fun for artsy photographing, it's not so great for relationships. For the record, I have, in the past, spent a lot of time inserting subtle meanings into my words to make someone 'get the hint' or lying (embellishing, or putting on a smile when I was upset etc.) to make myself seem different than I am inside, but that is something I try not to practice anymore.

If I say I am fine, I am (or at least know why I should be and won't be vomiting my filter induced angst on you, but will be processing it with someone who can help me see my way out of it and then I'll bring up what I need to talk about). If I say I'd just like to spend time with you, that is all I mean. I'm not trying to use you, or wheedle something out of you. I'm not trying to block you from some favorable or unfavorable activity by putting myself between you and it. If I say I like something, it's because I do. I'm not trying to appease you. So I'll take you at your word when you say things too. At least I will try.

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