Dis one's for you Babe.

I have to brag on my sweet hubby for a moment. Today he:
1. Rubbed my back at 4 in the morning when I woke up all hurting
2. Snuggled me in the morning sunshine
3. laughed at my silliness
4. took me swimming (floating) even though it's his least favorite thing
5. saved the last bottled water for me and brought me several throughout the day
6. helped me up and down from the laz-y-boy of death (it sucks me in!)
7. went on a Fat Mo's run to bring me red meat for my protein cravings
8. gave me kisses when I needed a kiss
9. brought me an ice pack in the middle of the night
10. never once got annoyed with me being needy
11. said he thought I was beautiful in all my roundness and MEANT it!

For the million little ways you show me how much you love me every day...thank you! You are the best manservant(hee hee)/husband a girl could ask for.

whining and complaining

I gotta get it out somewhere. The carpal tunnel in both hands has stepped up. In the right hand it is excruciating. I wake up in the night crying it hurts so bad. The Geek kindly rubs my arm and hand for me, somehow without fully waking up! I can't hold a pencil for longer than about a sentence, but I am still able to type a bit here and a bit there. I really miss journaling. I was keeping a journal for our little girl and lately I have not been able to write to her the things I want to tell her. It makes me sad.

I have enjoyed this stage of pregnancy though. I am showing enough that for the first time a friend walked straight up to me and put her hands on my belly remarking that I really 'look pregnant'. Since I grew up with not a lot of personal space and am a pretty touchy-feely kind of girl, I don't mind it from friends. Strangers I might have a problem with unless they were a sweet old lady or something. As I hauled my belly from one side to the other (rolling over in my former life) I lamented to the Geek this morning while we snuggled that it was simply not fair that Giant pandas could birth something that, in proportion, would be the equivalent of me having a kitten. I could handle a kitten! Even if I had to live life with a pouch, it would be a good trade off, to which the Geek gave a horrified look at the thought of his little wife with a marsupial pouch.

I also gave my notice this past week at work. I am going to make it through the end of September (week 30) and then will be an official Stay-at-home mom. I have a feeling the 'mom' part of that will be exceedingly easy until she decides to be an external child and until early December I'll just be 'staying at home.'

I have found some relief for my arm pain and that has been to go 'floating.' I can't really do laps this week until my shoulders get better (ice packs 4 times a day), so I just float around in my little skirted maternity swim suit. Weightlessness is highly underrated.

-----------------laugh break------------------
...The Geek is WOWing this morning while we sit here in the Sunday morning quiet, me in the laz-y-boy blogging and him at his desk in our shared office and some random scent has drifted through the room. I listed off the things it could be and he replied..."wow. I got the first two scents, but the rest are in the 'sub-nasular' range." hee hee!
------------------end laugh break------------------

Don't die Honey, but if you do (later...much later!) I'll turn you into a diamond

The Geek long ago made it known that he wanted to be cremated a long time from now when he dies. I thought this weird, since who will be in the grave spot next to me if he's in an urn, but in an effort to respect his wishes, I've been trying to accept this. Then today on a news site, I spied this article. It turns out that there is a company that will take your beloveds ashes and turn them into a diamond (created in a lab of course).

While this may seem morbid, I would much rather have my hubby as a sparkling reminder close to my heart than as a dust collector on the fireplace mantle.

For the not so dead, there is also the option to take some of your hair and have one made. Think about it. I have 6 siblings and if we each gave some hair to make a stone for our Mama, how COOL would that be?! Just a thought.

Gabe Dixon Band - so much good music, so little allowance left!

The second album to make my 'must haves' this week! Whoa! The Gabe Dixon band led by the amazing Gabe Dixon will rock your face off. The next Stevie Wonder and THAT is saying something.
Read about this new album here.
Check out the songs here.
Join me here on September 12th to watch him rock out if you live in Nashvegas. He and the band put on a great show! Plus the Belcourt is just a happenin' little old movie theatre.
Watch this video to hear a bit of one of the most talented songwriters in the city right now.

Quote of the day! Hee hee

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Mitch Hedberg, Mitch All Together

New Google Security? Huh.

I was searching for something this morning and got this message:

"

Google

Error

We're sorry...

... but your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application. To protect our users, we can't process your request right now.

We'll restore your access as quickly as possible, so try again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your computer or network has been infected, you might want to run a virus checker or spyware remover to make sure that your systems are free of viruses and other spurious software.

If you're continually receiving this error, you may be able to resolve the problem by deleting your Google cookie and revisiting Google. For browser-specific instructions, please consult your browser's online support center.

If your entire network is affected, more information is available in the Google Web Search Help Center.

We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google.

To continue searching, please type the characters you see below:

capsha here

So Google thinks I'm spyware!! Weird.

Too much for my hands

While I think there are lots that are too big for my hands, I had not yet put housework on that list. Now I must. Just like the horrendous weedeating episode that had me laid up and struggling with a numb arm for days, apparently doing dishes and vacuuming does the same thing. So, since I can't hold a pencil to journal, I type. With the pillow under my arm and the mouse at my left hand! Sausage fingers are not a good look for me.

Happy Blogging to you

There should be a song. Seriously. It is Raven's 100th post today and since I am a fan of searching, I'm game to blog for them. Check it out!

Great Quote...wish I coulda learned.

"You don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie." Becky - played by Rosie O'Donnell in Sleepless in Seattle.

Sigh. I wish I could give that lesson to my unmarried friends. But then, I don't think I was capable of learning that lesson when I was single. Oh why do we always think WE will be different, WE will do it better than it has ever been done before? I was watching the aforementioned movie and at the end when they just hold hands and it's like 'magic,' I found myself thinking..."what crap!"

When my sweet geek first told me he loved me, I'm sure I got this wide eyed look on my face and my blazingly fabulous response..."Do I have to say it back?" I mean, I liked the guy and all, but it had been 2 weeks! I wasn't ready for the 'L word.' I fell for him soon enough, but at that moment, I didn't 'just know.' Now, 4 years later...love is something you give, not something you have. Love is something you do, not fall into. It's actually a lot more sane! I don't have to rely on the feeling first to do the action. I do the action of love and the feeling follows. Amazing how that works.

I had a friend who was dating a guy who called and said he'd be late for their dinner date and just like that, she decided he wasn't interested enough to be on time so he couldn't care about her that much. It meant he wasn't the guy for her. I didn't say it at the time because she didn't ask me what I thought and I am attempting to make it a habit to not give unasked for advice, or feedback, but it seemed a little...oh what's the word...demanding?

OK, that's harsh and I hope if she happens to read this, she doesn't get her feelings hurt (or if she does, she'll call me and tell me), and in all honesty he may not be the guy for her, but seriously. If I based my relationship with The Geek on standards like that we wouldn't have made it past a month of dating! People screw up, people hurt you, people choose the wrong thing! If they keep doing it, regardless of how you feel, then evaluate and perhaps give them the boot, but to not give someone a chance to treat you how you'd like to be treated and expect them to read your mind? It's more like love in a movie than love in real life. I wish I could go back to myself in the past and give me this advice. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Don't believe the chick flicks ladies!! IT'S NOT REAL!!

Before I dishearten all you single gals out there, let me say this: Love is great! It has beautiful shining moments (like last night when I had a CD on and a great song started and I asked my Geek if we had a song and he looked at me and said 'this one' and danced with me in the dining room).

But chick flicks don't show you what happens when you share a bathroom with someone who stinks it up for the first 20 minutes of the morning! Chick flicks don't show you what happens when your sweetie chooses his friends/hobbies/work/TV over spending every waking moment fawning over you. They don't show what happens when neither of you wants to do the dishes and it's not your turn.

They don't show you how love works after the hormone cocktail that accompanies 'falling in love' ie Dopamine, Adrenaline, and Serotonin followed by Oxytocin (which oddly enough also enduces labor) wears off and you are attached to this guy forever in spite of the fact that he leaves his clothes and stinky socks on your bedroom floor (not that you and I both don't do that, honey)! Don't wait for 'love in a movie' to happen to you. It never will. You'll just end up bitter that your romantic/sex life has no resemblance to what you have been watching on a silver screen all this time. (Don't even get me STARTED on how sex in real life is nothing like the movies...sheesh)

Iron Man in the real world!

My How Gymnastics have Changed...erm

Take note...

First mass U.S. crossing for hydrogen cars completed
Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:16pm By Bernie Woodall

"LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hydrogen fuel cell cars from nine automakers completed a 13-day cross-country trip this weekend, in the first such mass U.S. crossing for vehicles powered by a zero-emission technology still in its infancy."

How cool is that!

Olympics end...and I have some thoughts on it.

Olympics close with a bang Photo from Reuters here

There was plenty in the news with the Olympics these past few weeks. From alleged underage gymnasts from China, to the Cuban who kicked the ref in the face when he was disqualified from his Tae Kwan Do match. From record Gold winnings by USA swimmer Michael Phelps to little old ladies sentenced to a year of re-education through labor for applying to many times for a permit to allow them to protest their homes being requisitioned for the building of the Olympics complex. So much for those designated 'protest parks' that...hmmm....China permitted no protests to occur in (denied every application for protest)!! Imagine that.

China may have pulled off a heck of an organized and beautiful Games, but at what cost? Grownups having to wear adult diapers during 'dance practice' for the opening ceremonies because they weren't allowed to take breaks? People placed under house arrest before the openings to prevent them making a stir and promote an illusion of harmony? Bloggers arrested for writing about protests? Factories shut down before the games begin to give the air a chance to clear with no recourse or pay for their workers?

Communism may crank out amazing athletes (I'd be awesome at some sport I was taken away from my parents and made to practice since the age of 3), but I'd rather have the basic human rights that our muddled up country can give us, rather than be censored for my opinions and muscled around for the sake of appearing perfect. Yay freedom!

Matthew Perryman Jones - Swallow the Sea ie. Matthew Rocks again!

Matthew Perryman Jones, one of the first people I met in the music industry when I moved to Nashville, has come out with his 3rd full length album.

After a year in Nashville, many struggles and horrible experiences, I had gone home to TX with a heavy heart. My good friend Kris put on this amazing record called Nowhere Else but Here and I was blown away. Then he said that I reminded him of this artist. Not sure how I was like a man, I asked him to clarify. He said it was the poetry and the stage presence. I was flattered because this guy was amazing. I read the album cover and realized that he lived in Nashville, and so, took a chance and emailed him.

Kindly, he responded and invited me out to meet a group of people for a beer. Being a good little Christian from TX, I balked. Beer drinking Christians? Oh, I was so young. I met the group and soon became part of a crowd that would go on to become some of Nashville's premier music makers, soul spillers and poets. You may not know their names, but you should. Or you have heard their work and never known it was them. Here's a few of them, which you should listen to, embrace and support:

Mandy Mann
Andy Osenga
Katy Bowser
There are more, but this post is about Matthew P.J.

For a long time, he took a break from music (at least partially from on the road and on the stage, although I hear he still rocked the worship at Midtown!) and then, with the grassroots support of many people, he released his second full length album Throwing Punches in the Dark - an independent record produced by Neilson Hubbard. An amazing record and on permanent rotation at my house.
Now comes the release of his third full length album called Swallow the Sea. Sure to be another huge success. It came out this week to much press. Written up here in the Tennessean. You can stream the whole album from the website: www.breakingoutthewindows.com Some are songs I have heard Matthew sing a hundred times (Feels like letting go) and others are as new to the world as is his little baby girl (A Song for Canaan). Without a clue feels like a song I've heard a thousand times in my heart but didn't have the words or the tune to sing it. It resonates. It calls. As does each song that spills out from this newest offering. Save You is the unrequited rock star's background music. It got a few slots on TV shows (I had to look this up, since we don't have TV) Kyle XY and Private Practice.
All in all, the album is beautiful and you must, no I insist, go out and get this album, attend his concerts and support this incredible musician.

Matthew has always been great about not being that lone rocker, gutting it out on his own. He has played with other musicians all around town, been part of alliances of musicians to support each other, and most of all, been entirely personable and kind. In the past it has been easy for me to envy the joy that my friends have when good things happen for them. A kind friend set me straight about that several years ago and I realized that it was a crappy place to live. Now I can laugh with him as wonderful things happen for his music. Growing up is hard, but good.

But enough about me! Here are some more places to listen to his stuff, including a live interview on the coolest radio station in Nashville:

Interview on music business radio's website, broadcast live on Lighting 100. Google it and enjoy!
Ten out of TN - an incredible collection of music and musicians who fly under the Nashville Music scene radar, including Trent Dabbs who's brain child this project is, Katie Herzig, and many more incredible musicians.

Aarg, Aarg, Arg! I don't want my president to be Sexy!

Just reading the news...I know, I know, I said I'd give it up. Here's a quote from an article in the LA Times here:

'"Yet when it comes to Obama, street artists around the country are falling into line. "Obama's a rock star, he's got a great brand and he's a very sexy candidate," explained Ian Bourland, a University of Chicago graduate student who is one of the few academics studying recent street art. "It's his race, his politics and his charisma."'

The last 'sexy' president (JFK) was a philandering git who entered history as a permanent martyr because he was assassinated! No matter what his politics, or what he did for the nation I have no respect for a man who can't be faithful to his wife, or at least own up to it, say it was wrong and choose another path. Can we not have another sexy president, please? In case you are wondering, I have not yet chosen a candidate, but crap like this just kills me! Let rock stars be rock stars and presidents be presidents. Please.

Stressful days = Bed Rest...or Hard Headed Woman Strikes Back!

When will I ever learn? I know all the moms out there say it's normal to have these every other week freak-outs, but they stress me and the baby out, not to mention the hubby who just sits there wide eyed while I shriek on and on about whatever I've got stuck in my craw. I'm going to have to learn to meditate or something. I am too freaking high strung right now for my own (or my baby's) good. I just don't have room in my brain or emotions to get all worked up about anything these days unless I want to spend the following day lying around, breathing through Braxton Hicks contractions and hoping everything stays put. Happy Friday to me. (sigh)

On a good note, the bug went in for a little repair yesterday (sticky throttle) and they charged us $0, since it was something that happened when the put the new engine in. $0 car repair is something I can handle!

SLOW DOWN FOR SCOOTERS!

For the second time in as many months, someone in my neighborhood has been pulled out in front of while riding their scooter, severely injuring them.

The first was my friend and neighbor who was forced to lay down her pink moped rather than slam into a car that decided that she didn't really have the right of way, or didn't see her, or some such crap. Her blog has photos of the blackened jeans that could have been her flesh! She was a mass of bruises and soreness for weeks! The guy said he didn't see her. Like that's an excuse!

Se second was a well known musician here in town named Will Hoge. He was nearly killed on his scooter when the driver of a van pulled out in front of him. The news ran the story last night here. The local paper ran a story revealing it was Will Hoge today. He currently is the hospital in EXTREMELY critical condition. The doctors have hope that he will make it. The driver of the van? Not a scratch. He said he never saw him.

The worst part of the news story was the shining example of tactlessness Sgt Bob Sheffield of the Metro Police who said,
"...the burden of safety is on the motorcycle rider [or] scooter rider. They are in, I mean, on a much smaller vehicle and, you know, a lot harder for people in passenger vehicles to observe 'em"

Gosh. I guess Will was just not being careful enough! How dare he drive down the road with his lights on and expect people to actually look before turning in front of him. I guess he was going TOO fast (it's 30 mph on that part of Main St.). Too bad Will's thoughtless actions as the 'smaller vehicle' nearly cost him his life! Since the 'burden of safety is on the...scooter rider,' I guess it's his own fault that he hit the side of a van! Oh this makes me mad! Never once did the newscast mention that the driver would be held accountable for his actions! What about failure to yield? What about reckless driving? What about nearly killing a man? What about depriving the world of any future great music from this artist? Nope. The burden falls on him. Oh, I could SPIT!

Will Hoge's music is something you have to hear. Check it out. Buy the album. He's gonna need it to pay the Doctor bills. Listen here.

Work Schmirk and other thoughts

I'm back to work and once I actually got there, I felt OK. It was just the prospect of going back that worried me. I also let my family know that I wouldn't be attending the family reunion that has long been planned. I just can't do two 10 hr drives in one weekend! I wish I could. It looks like it's going to be loads and loads of fun.

I had lunch with a friend today and I told her my (many) opinions, but I've noticed one thing while pregnant, upon which I shall expound. People who are not pregnant LOVE to regale people who are with stories of triumphs and/or horrors of people who they have known who had such and so happen to them. Like the woman who was back in her size 2 jeans by the time she left the hospital. Or the woman who worked/ran marathons/bench pressed her weight in iron/ fill in the blank here...until the DAY she gave birth and then, bounced back to herself so quickly you'd never even know she gave birth. I used to do this to pregnant people too. I guess I thought I was either:
1. Giving them hope or
2. Trying to convince myself that I would not be reduced to a weak, blubbering version of myself.

For the record, I now know that it makes pregnant women feel like crap, or like they're doing something wrong. At least it does me. I always thought I'd be so great at it (being pregnant) and the truth is, I'm not. I am the weak, blubbering version of myself (which I hated for a long time). But the other truth is, I'm not alone. If pregnancy was easy, they wouldn't write books, websites, movies, TV shows, and whatever else form of media the world can supply to help women get through it. There wouldn't be any humor about the raving insane beasts we turn into when growing a human. I tell my stories to other mothers and say how I feel insane (pregnancy tantrums, sobbing at 2am because my muscles are cramped up, sleeplessness, worry, jumpy about babies, crying over the news, crying at commercials (and the olympics - I'd do it too if I had TV!), and guess what...they have all been there too!! I'm perfectly normal and normal for me may look like insane to everyone else, but it's OK. It's where I'm supposed to be.

So to those women who ran marathons etc up until the day they gave birth and then sprang instantly back on the bike/treadmill/elliptical machine...bless your sweet over achieving hearts! Why did you not give yourself a break? It's OK to look like the human equivalent of an ice-cream cone! It's OK to take naps. It's OK to not look like a supermodel within 2 weeks of birth. I no longer envy you. I wish you had the opportunity to relax and enjoy the place you were in life and the life you were bringing into the world, even if your rump was a dimpled mass for longer than you'd like.

A v. Bridget Jones day

Am having a v. Bridget Jones kind of day so though I'd blog in manner of H. Fielding's character although, granted, not as funny as am not singleton with modern plot of Jane Austen woven into personal love life. If you please, this is from book, not silly film where what's her name made me want to pull lungs out of throat she played it so Bloody awkward.

3:10 am Husband came to bed after fiddling with his computer late, but was already awake in need of second trip to toilet. Ask him to fetch me a tylenol which is perhaps the most useless pain killer ever invented and yet I cling to it like life's blood! Why must ibuprofens hurt the unborn? Why?
3:30 am Husband has finally fallen asleep after thrashing around, getting annoyed with breathing machine (C-Pap), and wrestling the covers. Am wide awake and ache in back has worsened.

3:35 am Have begun to think about baby and usually she wiggles if I'm awake in the middle of the night.

3:45 am Am obsessing about lack of movement and have decided a warm bath might make back ache go away. Don't want to bathe with lights on, as am still in denial telling myself that turning lights on will fully wake me up.

3:47 am Bathe in the semi-darkness with only light coming from neighbors bright pink security light. Back still aching.

4:05 am Am back in bed, trying to settling in to sleep. Baby begins to move and am content with 'fetal movement count.' Am now v. hungry. Try to ignore it.

4:15 am Drink water from handy (ever-present) water bottle. Makes hunger worse. Begin thinking of nice turkey sandwich....must stop thinking!! Go to sleep!

5:15 am Give up trying to sleep and don tatty man-robe to go and quest for sandwich. End up eating turkey and some cut up cantaloupe, feeling v. smug about my level of self control as I ignore the choc. chips that call me. Check emails and whine to self that of 32 blogs I follow, no-one has updated. Stupid sleeping people.

5:45 am Trundle upstairs, husband has not moved from original position and it might take an air horn to wake him. Snuggle up and try to get comfy. Can't. Can't help thinking that mask, while helping him sleep and keeping him from damaging his heart from snoring, makes him look a little like an elephant. A cute elephant with a beard. Kiss his cheek and he mouthes a reply, but don't understand as am not a v. accomplished lip reader. Am dreading the day ahead with so little sleep (only 6 hours - went to bed around 9 pm). Give up trying to sleep.

6:16 am Back downstairs. Ice back and lay on couch in weird position with knees propped on four or five pillows and miraculously, fall asleep.

7:35 am Wake up with dead right hand from dangling off of couch. Since I had a bath at 3:45 am there is no need for a morning shower so I dress for work. Back hurts worse now and hubby pleads with me to take care of myself and skive off work. Ignore him and try to bravely go on.

8:02 am Find self reclined in lay-boy chair and unable to get up. Call boss and tell her I am taking day off to rest my back. We discuss whether or not I should go ahead and give notice since body has decided to become like old car and once one part is fixed, the next part breaks. Comparing body to old Chevy does wonders for self-esteem, but can currently blame it all on baby. Am still doing good with weight, but belly gets in the way and am feeling more and more like an orange, with legs.

11:05 am Have spent morning making trips to potty, drinking water, icing back muscles, reading Bridget Jones, rolling off couch to hunt for food which so far has included:

Eggs (2) and rye toast (2)
1 Tortilla chip with a dip of queso (did not like it cold, am to lazy to heat it up)
15 Cheddar cheese Doritos (seemed like the lazy version of chips and queso)
8 chocolate chips (finally gave in to the call)
1 weight watchers popcicle (only 2 points!)
Raisins - (am pretending that these shriveled remnants of grapes are, in fact, a fruit)


Finally figured out why the cat can't stay out of the broken window that I covered with a blanket. A small black kitten has taken up lodging on our back balcony. The last kitten we adopted from the alley cost us $200+ in vet bills with ear infections, neutering, etc. Am not interested in having a new one. Still. It's little, so I set out a tiny bit of food. Can't let animules starve! Now, to distract myself from more Doritos and chocolate chips, am blogging.

Politics make me want to move to...anywhere else

Oh, I am so over all this whining and back and forthing! He said this and my feelings are hurt...can you believe anyone would dare do such a thing...I have all the answers, you should listen to me...I've spent more money on this campaign than most of you will earn in a lifetime!! You should listen to me...

As if a single branch of the Government (Executive - see I was paying attention in class) could actually move the mountain that is bureaucracy! All the promises in the world amount to a drop in the bucket unless the rest of the system backs him up.

I keep swearing off reading political news, but it keeps dragging me back in. WHY?!!?!

I wish I had TV to watch the Olympics instead.

Things to do at 4:45 am

It's early, but I can't sleep. There comes a point where it's more painful to lie there than to get up and do something else for awhile, giving my poor beleaguered shoulders a break for awhile. It's funny the things that come to me while it's dark still. Things I should have done or could have done or day-dreams (although, granted, it's still night). For example.

1. How long would it take us to completely pay off our debt if some benevolent stranger or long lost, decidedly rich relative decided to pay off our house note. Answer? 18 months (including all the school loans left! Yay!
2. What should I have done all those years ago when a lover (read boy-friend, I just like the term) was torn about whether he should marry me and instead of deciding for himself, broke down, cried, and told me he was going to kill himself over it. At 2 am. While we lived 600 miles apart. In retrospect, I should have politely turned off my phone for the rest of the night and when he called in the morning politely informed him what a manipulative, spineless person he was and promptly ended the relationship thereby saving myself years of therapy and tons of angst filled songs that didn't end up on any album, such drivel as they were. Here's the catch 22. Without all those years of therapy, I'd never have been able to make a healthy decision regarding this situation and would have been doomed to repeat the same angst filled struggle with a new fella of my infinitely poor choosing. Ah...irony. Instead I got my Geek, which was a sweeter deal by far. He has all his hair and thinks I'm gorgeous no matter how much I weigh or am sweaty, fresh from the gym, or puttering around the house in a raggedy old man-robe tied smartly around my expanding belly. It's rather nice.
3. How to build an island with a dishwasher in my kitchen and how many friends should be able to be seated at that island at one time? Cost? How long will it take to save that much money? Is it a good investment? Considering dishes are a huge point of contention around here since both of us hate to do them and we currently do it the old fashioned way -soap, water, dish rack (no, not sand and a river, you smart alec!), YES.
4. Pondering why it is that I am always hungry a this hour of the night/morning. So hungry it wakes me up! C'mon girl! Give your mama a break would ya? Can't you live off the fat of the land (or in this case, belly) for about 8 hours? No? Alright. Break out the mixed nuts.
5. Squint at the clock. I'm too tired to put on my glasses, but I am too blind to see the clock without them. I've found that if I let my eyes tear up with tired eye-watering, and squint, with my left eye closed, I can one time out of five, make out 2 of the numbers on the clock. Provided they are not numbers that could be another number with the addition of a bar or 2. Such as 2, 6, or 5 (which could all be 8, depending on the level of bleariness) or 0 for that matter, or 3. OK. So it only works if the numbers are mostly 4's. Crap. I have to let go of my secret hope that pregnancy might improve my vision. Heck, it's making my feet bigger. A girl's gotta have dreams you know.
6. Drag back upstairs to hubby who is blissfully unaware that I am even missing and attempt to sleep again. At least until it's daylight for heavens sake!

Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself

via this flickr user

The first time anyone bought me flowers, I felt as if they had done a wasteful thing. I mean! In my family, spending $40 on something that would die in less than a week was practically a sin. In fact, I think it was a sin. I insisted on a potted plant from then on. If you know anything about me, I cannot keep potted plants alive. So these potted plants would die in about 2 weeks. At least it was more than one! I thought.

But there was something in me that loved flowers. I even worked for a time at a florist in college. The smell of roses reminded me of my mother and a perfume she used to wear (which I cannot wear because my skin Ph makes perfume useless). I liked the look, the feel, the smell, the idea, all of it. So in a wild whim, I began to buy flowers with other peoples money. I was a nanny at the time and discovered a wholesale flower shop. They never protested me buying flowers for their house and since it wasn't my money I was using, I didn't feel wasteful. Just extravagant. In a good way. After I stopped working for that family, I used that same wholesaler to buy my wedding flowers. Then, after the wedding, I realized I could wait a lifetime for flowers from my fabulous Geek who doesn't show love in that way. (He's great at a lot of other ways so this is NOT a criticism)

SO I began buying them for myself. Me and my local grocery store have an unspoken agreement about roses ('cause I like them best). I walk in the door and there in front of me is the floral department. I grab a cart and do a drive by of the flowers. Sometimes they are cruelly overpriced for wilted crap, so I pass. Other times, I just need a little color in my life (and hopefully the cat won't eat them too soon), so I pick out the ones I want, leave them there in the water, and come back for them when I am done shopping.

I take them home and process them (cutting, putting in water, etc...florist shop talk) and there they sit. A beautiful reminder that I can do things for myself to bring joy and not wait with baited breath and high expectations for the people around me to supply that. Now, granted, the cat has already broken my bud vase this time around, but my sweet geek saved the beautiful pale peach rose from certain wilting and put it in his beloved snow man mug. While not quite as elegant, just as sweet to me.

So, here's my life tip: Don't wait for others to supply your joy, buy YOURSELF flowers (because you are worth having beautiful things in your life!)

OK. I'm done being opinionated (for tonight)

Currently in my kitchen - pale peach roses and yellow roses. YAY!

In case you don't know, you should.

Brooke Waggoner: amazing songwriter, pianist, singer. She and I played Edgefield uncorked! last year and that was the first time I got to hear her play. Asian melodies fused with Beatles-like hooks, expansive yet intimate orchestration backs up this little red head with her lilting voice, haunting lyrics, and as always, her beautiful and virtuosic piano playing as the foundation of it all. Go. Now! Listen. Love her. Buy her CD and support independent music!! Download her EP for free here.

Post edit - It was the Geek, as he so sweetly reminded me, who correctly identified her asian fusion meets Beatles style. She was excited that he 'got' what she was trying to do. (He was my merch man that night!)

I need to laugh and when the sun is out, I got something I can laugh about

I feel good. In a special way. I'm in love and it's a sunny day. ~ Paul McCartney of the Beatles (although credited to both)

You gotta admit, without John to angst him out, Paul is just a leeeettle too cheerful for grownups. Although, admittedly, the songs get stuck in your head. (Ebony and Ivory? Silly love songs? - eeek!)

Just thought I'd share some things:

A shirt I should get for the geek:

























Cause you know they do!!

A shirt I should get for me. Cause if you can't laugh at your own clothes, everybody else will.











Things that made me laugh this week:
If you haven't heard of this, click right on over.
Here's what it's all about:
"Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb."
Jon's got issues. You' d never know unless you removed his foil from the strip. Check it out and giggle at the irony. http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

This guy's blog of sorts (anyone who has a daily DeLorian gets my vote.) Plus, talk about some off the wall music to start your day. He posted some bit of crazy at 6:05 this morning!

This one, not so much laughing as just enjoying. Quirky bits of humanity amuse me.

And because nothing beats inane puppy and kitty pictures:
Loldogs and lolcats make them a part of a balanced breakfast!

This past Sunday, The Geek and I were out to breakfast and he muttered a curse word across the table and looked at me funny. Then he pulled out of his mouth...a tooth. (Don't worry diners, it was his own) When he was 10, one of his teeth refused to grow in. An x-ray must have revealed that a grown up version did not exist. He had a false one glued to the two teeth that surround the gap and you'd never know unless you took him to play GloGolf, because false teeth don't show up white like regular teeth in black lights. That tooth had fallen out. "Not to worry."you say..."A quick trip to the dentist will fix it up!" Not when your dentist is on vacation for the next 11 days! So The Geek has been making the goofiest of faces and occasionally laughing a Goofy kind of laugh while sticking out his teeth in a 'bubba teeth' sorta way. It's been an amusing week. You'd never notice it when he talks 'cause his teeth don't really show while he talks, but it has been a source of giggles for the two of us when he says things for effect, now with 'less toof.' He's such a sweet hill billy!

All's well...blissfully mediocre.

Things are as they should be. The baby is safe and sound and still where she belongs, my body has calmed down and the specialist had no idea why I was there (He did, according to his charts and stuff, but he found nothing to worry about.) He said I and she looked normal to him. It's a relief. I did realize how much I DO NOT miss work though. I do get a little lonesome for companionship, but by no means do I wish that I could go file, staple, scan, or invoice anything! Oh the perpetual angst of a musician not doing music.

Actually I'm not that angst-y about it. I feel blissfully mediocre today. I can still create, but I don't have to give my soul over to being so dramatic about it all. Perhaps that's just in reaction to watching Running with Scissors. I sincerely hope the book was funnier than the film, but The Geek and I sat through about 15 minutes of it with our mouthes open at the insanity of these people and then decided it was time to read a book together. I told him I'd watch it by myself tomorrow (today) and he turns to me, dead-pan and says, 'Don't watch it by yourself tomorrow. Watch it with a friend.' I didn't watch it with a friend, I just watched it and it leads me to a little modern culture annoyance: Why are only the most frighteningly dysfunctional aspects of life celebrated? Think about it. Most modern novels are filled with sexual deviants and frankly, crazy people. A future reader's quick perusal of the New York Times best seller list would lead one to believe that the average soul in our current culture was either gay or repressed, had some dark sordid secret that drove their neurosis, molested children, wished they did, and that God Forbid, if they were just average: loved, lived and died, that after their death the horrible chain of secrets they had spent a lifetime covering would all come unraveling, wreaking havoc on the defenseless, but clearly dysfunctional offspring left to sort it out. Seriously!

Not really a representation of this"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phil 4:8. And yet, I am drawn in. I think I need to be more selective in my viewing habits like I am in my reading habits. In fact, I rarely read grown up books any more because of the above reasons.

In the ears today:
Derek Trucks Band - Joyful Noise
(for the guitar nerd in me) I can't help it. My papa raised me well.











Llama - Close to the Silence
(The band is no longer together, but DANG I miss these guys. Such a delicious jam band. The piano player has gone on to be a rockin' producer here in town, not to mention to playing for rock stars here and there. Not sure what happened to the rest of the band, but that one was my friend and I've kept up with him.)

Holding pattern

I'm still at home. The Geek had to go back to work today. (BOOOO!) So I've been puttering around doing minimal stuff and resting, like I'm supposed to.

As for the second ultrasound (boys-skip over this if you get grossed out by clinical terms) they found my cervix to be closed and long with is exactly what it is supposed to be. The Geek and I were leaving the tech's office and I said how funny it was that he now knows more about the state of my body that he ever has. I mean, really. What if I could tell you the daily (or more likely - monthly) state of his colon? It would be a little odd. But he knows all about the inner workings of my plumbing! Pregnancy definitely discourages modesty.

I did do some pre-natal yoga this morning which really helped relax me and make my back stop hurting. The baby girl seemed to like it a lot! She really squiggled around after I was finished. So much for resting and relaxing for her. She's more active than ever. Which is a good thing and I'm excited she's doing well. I thought I'd plug the yoga disk I did a little since yoga in general has (since college) made me feel really strong and relaxed, and this one was awesome! For those of you who are newly pregnant, you gotta try this!! (Click the picture above for a link) OK, enough commercials for now.

It was amazing to watch my church ladies pull together and offer to help me while home alone today! My neighbor came over and gave me food so I didn't have to think about cooking while I am supposed to be resting. How awesome is that?! She even took my poor cooped up dog for a walk so she could get some exercise. Thanks Jan!

Bed Rest...at least for this week

Sunday, my body woke me up from a nap with sharp pains in my uterus. I thought it was just those round ligament pains they've been mentioning for awhile so I moved around and tried to get them to stop. After about 10 minutes they did. I had them again that night before I fell asleep, but just plunked my handy dandy ice pack (not so ice-y any more at that point) on my stomach and it seemed to help. Then yesterday morning, they returned. I waited until my Dr.'s office opened and then called.

The lovely nurse there, who is very kind, said they could be those round ligament pains, or they could be something else, so to be safe I should go to OB Triage. That morning I had ridden the bus to work, and mildly jogged for the second one so I wouldn't miss it, had not eaten anything but pretzels for breakfast and was in general having one of those days where I was not being the perfect pregnant girl (with veggies and calcium and fiber and etc.), but I still wasn't terribly worried.

I had to ask the women in my office to get me to the hospital and it was fun to watch them jump into action, put me in a chair and run for their car! ( I was getting a little worried at this point) I wasn't able to get The Geek on the phone as it was Monday and Monday is his work from home day which means a few minutes before he has to be at 'work' ie, his desk, he rolls out of bed, grabs a little food and plunks down in his chair. I was at the hospital by the time I got him and so had to pass the phone off to my supervisor, who came with us to show us where to go, so she could give him directions while I checked in.

He was there in record time and I was hooked up to a belt that monitored the activity of my uterus. There were regular little blips which they called 'twitches', but didn't seem to be too concerned about. Then they did an extended ultrasound (30 minutes or more) to check the baby out. She was great! She nearly flipped over during the exam! We actually had a wonderful discussion with our ultrasound tech about life, religion, babies, family, race. It was fun. Plus she let us look at our baby girl for a lot longer. There was one frame where her tiny foot was there with toes and all! So sweet. I declared it was The Geek's foot and he said I was crazy.

Then we told her about our theories concerning her chin. So she, of course, looked at the profile to help us determine who's chin she has. (It's a family thing. I have a very prominent chin that I got from my mother and so far, all the grand-babies have it.) I still say The Geek, but perhaps I am mistaken. She gave us a BEAUTIFUL image of her profile with her sweet lips and nose showing. But I digress...the verdict was, my cervix is shortening (which is bad, because that's what it does when I get ready to give birth) and I was having contractions (which I didn't even notice during the exam and are normal for a pregnant uterus. Practice, they call it. But not in conjunction with a shortening cervix ). It's not shortening a lot, but enough to make them worry.

So the result was, home to bed until I get in to see a fetal maternal doctor, which will be Thursday morning. I just found out that I have another ultrasound today at 1:15 pm. If you are so inclined and when you think about it, if you could offer up the following:
Prayers for my baby girl that she will stay put, grow and be healthy.
Prayers that my body will calm down and do what it's supposed to do.
Prayers for wisdom for my doctors.
Prayers of peace for The Geek who has to watch his girls struggle through this, but can't fix it for us.
Prayers for me that I finally slow down and learn to rest. (it's a hard lesson for me)

Things I think I would like...Part one

This would be my t-shirt. We are so nerdy cool! It's so fun to be the musician and the geek!

Things I think my sweet geek will like...Part 1

This was just too funny to pass up. Click the picture to take you to the shop where this is written on a t-shirt. (The geek is an 2XL kinda guy FYI - for comfort!) No, it's not a shot at my sweet hubs, just taking all the things he likes with a dash of giggles.

grumpy

No sleep, no feeling in arm. Do not want to be awake right now. Don't understand how people can live on no sleep. It is cool outside though. I think I'll like this little break of almost fall weather.

If I go on bedrest, you guys are in trouble!

For my 3rd post of the day...(sheesh)

Here's photographic proof of what is to come...

It looks smaller when photographed from above! (oh what do I care...it's only gonna grow from here!

Remember when things were simpler?

The Olympics used to be a thing I could watch and enjoy without having all of the ensuing political implications and knowledge behind it all.

Lego representation of the Water Cube in
Beijing, China (Pretty cool...eh? To see them all go here)

Now I watch it with images of protesters, foreign policies, censorship, and human rights violations galore!

Oh for the innocence and the grandeur of it all. I hope I can help my little bean hold on to that for awhile.

(Fireworks kick off the opening ceremony of the 26th Luoyang Peony fair in Luoyang, in central China's Henan province, as part the continuous celebrations to welcome the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Photograph: AFP/Getty Images)


Olympic Stadium - Greece

Slowly disintegrating

I'm sitting at my desk with a pillow under my arm, an ice-pack on my shoulder, and my feet up on a sporty 'office ottoman'. It's only 9:30 am and already I've begun to eat my lunch which I should be holding off on, but can't help eating because I'm starved! I should have done a bigger breakfast this morning, but didn't have time in attempt to catch the bus. That didn't much seem to matter since I missed my connector express and had to ride the slow bus to work. Boo! Some days it doesn't pay to get up at 6am. My bursitis is flaring up again and I miss the good ole ibuprofen these days! It's funny the things that our parents did (Drink, smoke, take ibuprofen etc) and we turned out fine on but are such a HUGE no no these days. I'm not sure what it does to the baby, but just mention it and watch the health care professionals all fly into a tizzy!

So it's 'crank up the home remedies' time. Massage, salt soaks, ice-packs, whining until hubby rubs that particularly aching part. Hee hee :)

I went to a little soirée last night and saw another pregnant girl from church who is about 2 months ahead of me. She has gained 25 lbs, but it is all in the belly. She said she didn't know where she was going to put the next month and a half of weight gain! She said she has not had any problems or noticed any particular things gone squirrelly with her body. Of course she is younger, more fit, but actually when we discussed it more, she admitted to having some of the same symptoms I'm having (fatigue, lightheadedness, thirsty and hungry a lot, aches and pains here and there, etc)- minus the whole right arm feeling as if it's about to fall OFF part. It's nice to know I'm not alone. (just more whiny about it obviously) It was fun to discuss babies with her. She didn't know what she is having but she admitted that when she and her husband 'looked away' during that part of the ultrasound, she sorta peeked through her fingers. Not that this could tell us inexperienced observers a single thing! It took the tech typing 'GIRL' on the screen for me to believe her. All those squiggly black and white images could be ANYTHING!

In the mean time, I called in pregnant yesterday and spent the day icing my shoulder and napping. I felt much better after that, but have to do the same thing today if I want to continue to feel better. I wish I could call in pregnant every day!

Still a girl...we hope (little mama update)

The geek and I went in for a second ultrasound so they could capture images of things she was laying too funny to capture before. (heart outflow valve and technical stuff like that) At 23 weeks I've gained a whopping pound and a half from my beginning weight and since she weighs almost all of that, it can be safely assumed that I have lost weight during this pregnancy so far.

I was giving myself a top gain of 15 lbs, but the doc said if I keep it lower (more like 5), it will be much easier for me. I'm not gonna kill myself to maintain this, but eat right and swim. My blood pressure (which I had problems with and am medicated for, from before pregnancy) is great and is still in the 'low' phase (100/50 today). It could go up in the last trimester, but I am hoping that swimming several times per week will help this not happen.

After several nights of severe arm pain, I finally went in to see an orthopedic doc and he ordered a nerve study on me. I had already seen a neurologist and his verdict was..."You are pregnant." Thanks...I didn't know that yet. It could be that my arm was swollen from all the weed-eating I did the day before. The geek has put the kibosh on any further attempts at using large tools in the yard and actually tried to get the doc to say I should refrain from any yard work at all! (She didn't. She said take it easy, don't get overheated, drink lots of water and don't lift big stuff) I can understand his concerns as my little belly keeps expanding and he gets a daily (visual) reminder of what is to come.

So she continues to wiggle and squirm and was only slightly cooperative during her ultrasound today. I am learning what I want and don't want in a delivery but since I am classified as 'high risk,' I wonder how much of that will matter when it actually comes down to it. I don't want to get hustled off and induced and drugged!

Maybe dis is de reason

It's been like a deserted wasteland in terms of my pals blogging. I asked the geek about it. His reply? "It's too hot to blog."
Maybe so.

Mmmm. Boooooks. Above average or bookworm...you decide.

The story is that apparently the National Endowment for the Arts estimates that the average adult has only read six of these books. Here are the markup guidelines:

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Mark in red the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your blog

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 The complete works of Shakespeare (I've read a LOT, but not all!)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens (reading this right now...)
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie -
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

If I counted right that is 56 out of 100. I'm not sure if this makes me the biggest book nerd on the planet, or just very well educated in public school where I was MADE to read about half of those books. Yay for advanced classes! There are so many more that I could read and I guess I'd better get to them now while I have the time and the sleep to do it.

Speaking of lack of sleep. Another ultrasound today and she's more beautiful than ever. I'm convinced she has her papa's (that's the geek) nose which will suit her quite well. It's a cute nose really. We shopped for wall paint for her room this weekend and we are planning grass, sky and flowers. Plus lady bugs. You can't go wrong with lady bugs! (if something else turns up, we'll go with grass, sky and frogs!)

Alleged baby bump...

It's Friday!!!
I was a bit of a slacker and didn't go in to work at the beginning of the week, so the result is a Friday work day (but only part of one). For all of you who have to do this every single week, you have my sincerest sympathy. I have to get by some how, so here's how I'm coping as I prepare numerous, numerous documents to be scanned into electronic records....

Listening to:

and


Some thoughts...
Went to a birthday party last night and stayed past my pregnant girl bed time, but here's the thing: usually by 9pm I am toast, but I was so energized, I stayed up until at least 1:30 am and then got up at 5:30 when my body woke up and said "I'm DONE lying here!!" plus the cat came in for a pre-dawn ear scratch and snuggle. He's a little cowed from being chased ALL OVER THE house yesterday after I discovered he'd shredded our leather chair while I was gone that day. He had to go to the laundry room for time out. Today he gets his claws cut off again (we were trying to let him be au natural, but not with the furniture)! But I digress... The point was I had a reminder that I am an EXTROVERT! I get recharged by spending time with other humans and talking, even if it's just relatively mundane conversation! So with a full battery, I didn't need that much sleep. I'm sure I'll have a nap to make up for it later.

Another discovery is that I can feel the little bean on the outside of me and so would the geek if he would wait for it. She can tell when he's looking for her and gets still - she does it to me too! I am starting to finally 'look' pregnant as I approach 6 months, nevermind that she's still behind a nice wall of padding and it's only the padding that is pooching out right now - a wise woman once said "It pays to advertise" and if I am pregnant and I look it, that's fine with me, even if I know what is technically sticking out right now is not necessarily baby. It's still pretty dang cute as I am reminded every day when I hear..."Oh! You are starting to look 'Cute Pregnant,'" as opposed to "you might explode on me pregnant" or "I got the kid, but no signs of it except cankles and puffy cheeks right now pregnant."

I'm sure I'll get some pictures done soon. (Melanie?)