Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself

via this flickr user

The first time anyone bought me flowers, I felt as if they had done a wasteful thing. I mean! In my family, spending $40 on something that would die in less than a week was practically a sin. In fact, I think it was a sin. I insisted on a potted plant from then on. If you know anything about me, I cannot keep potted plants alive. So these potted plants would die in about 2 weeks. At least it was more than one! I thought.

But there was something in me that loved flowers. I even worked for a time at a florist in college. The smell of roses reminded me of my mother and a perfume she used to wear (which I cannot wear because my skin Ph makes perfume useless). I liked the look, the feel, the smell, the idea, all of it. So in a wild whim, I began to buy flowers with other peoples money. I was a nanny at the time and discovered a wholesale flower shop. They never protested me buying flowers for their house and since it wasn't my money I was using, I didn't feel wasteful. Just extravagant. In a good way. After I stopped working for that family, I used that same wholesaler to buy my wedding flowers. Then, after the wedding, I realized I could wait a lifetime for flowers from my fabulous Geek who doesn't show love in that way. (He's great at a lot of other ways so this is NOT a criticism)

SO I began buying them for myself. Me and my local grocery store have an unspoken agreement about roses ('cause I like them best). I walk in the door and there in front of me is the floral department. I grab a cart and do a drive by of the flowers. Sometimes they are cruelly overpriced for wilted crap, so I pass. Other times, I just need a little color in my life (and hopefully the cat won't eat them too soon), so I pick out the ones I want, leave them there in the water, and come back for them when I am done shopping.

I take them home and process them (cutting, putting in water, shop talk) and there they sit. A beautiful reminder that I can do things for myself to bring joy and not wait with baited breath and high expectations for the people around me to supply that. Now, granted, the cat has already broken my bud vase this time around, but my sweet geek saved the beautiful pale peach rose from certain wilting and put it in his beloved snow man mug. While not quite as elegant, just as sweet to me.

So, here's my life tip: Don't wait for others to supply your joy, buy YOURSELF flowers (because you are worth having beautiful things in your life!)

OK. I'm done being opinionated (for tonight)

Currently in my kitchen - pale peach roses and yellow roses. YAY!

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