Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Great Quote...wish I coulda learned.

"You don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie." Becky - played by Rosie O'Donnell in Sleepless in Seattle.

Sigh. I wish I could give that lesson to my unmarried friends. But then, I don't think I was capable of learning that lesson when I was single. Oh why do we always think WE will be different, WE will do it better than it has ever been done before? I was watching the aforementioned movie and at the end when they just hold hands and it's like 'magic,' I found myself thinking..."what crap!"

When my sweet geek first told me he loved me, I'm sure I got this wide eyed look on my face and my blazingly fabulous response..."Do I have to say it back?" I mean, I liked the guy and all, but it had been 2 weeks! I wasn't ready for the 'L word.' I fell for him soon enough, but at that moment, I didn't 'just know.' Now, 4 years later...love is something you give, not something you have. Love is something you do, not fall into. It's actually a lot more sane! I don't have to rely on the feeling first to do the action. I do the action of love and the feeling follows. Amazing how that works.

I had a friend who was dating a guy who called and said he'd be late for their dinner date and just like that, she decided he wasn't interested enough to be on time so he couldn't care about her that much. It meant he wasn't the guy for her. I didn't say it at the time because she didn't ask me what I thought and I am attempting to make it a habit to not give unasked for advice, or feedback, but it seemed a little...oh what's the word...demanding?

OK, that's harsh and I hope if she happens to read this, she doesn't get her feelings hurt (or if she does, she'll call me and tell me), and in all honesty he may not be the guy for her, but seriously. If I based my relationship with The Geek on standards like that we wouldn't have made it past a month of dating! People screw up, people hurt you, people choose the wrong thing! If they keep doing it, regardless of how you feel, then evaluate and perhaps give them the boot, but to not give someone a chance to treat you how you'd like to be treated and expect them to read your mind? It's more like love in a movie than love in real life. I wish I could go back to myself in the past and give me this advice. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Don't believe the chick flicks ladies!! IT'S NOT REAL!!

Before I dishearten all you single gals out there, let me say this: Love is great! It has beautiful shining moments (like last night when I had a CD on and a great song started and I asked my Geek if we had a song and he looked at me and said 'this one' and danced with me in the dining room).

But chick flicks don't show you what happens when you share a bathroom with someone who stinks it up for the first 20 minutes of the morning! Chick flicks don't show you what happens when your sweetie chooses his friends/hobbies/work/TV over spending every waking moment fawning over you. They don't show what happens when neither of you wants to do the dishes and it's not your turn.

They don't show you how love works after the hormone cocktail that accompanies 'falling in love' ie Dopamine, Adrenaline, and Serotonin followed by
Oxytocin (which oddly enough also enduces labor) wears off and you are attached to this guy forever in spite of the fact that he leaves his clothes and stinky socks on your bedroom floor (not that you and I both don't do that, honey)! Don't wait for 'love in a movie' to happen to you. It never will. You'll just end up bitter that your romantic/sex life has no resemblance to what you have been watching on a silver screen all this time. (Don't even get me STARTED on how sex in real life is nothing like the movies...sheesh)

1 comment:

Josh and Kelley's family said...

I love it, I love it, I love it!!! You said it all, and brilliantly, I might add. Too true. The stinking up the bathroom made me laugh!! To quote another movie, "love stinks!" (literally in this sense!) But at the same time, I wouldn't trade it for anything...funny how that works, huh?

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